MY FAMILY, PHOTOGRAPHED BY JONATHAN CANLAS

As Jon and I planned our session, we decided the best plan to get all six of us involved (our daughter Mckenna lives in a group home nearby) was to meet at her house and then head out to a nearby nature trail that we love. Via email, I warned Jon that I had no idea what to expect from Mckenna. It could either go super smoothly, or it could turn into a huge behavioral meltdown. We had to prepare for anything.

I don’t think any of us were prepared for what happened. She came to the door with her usual excitement, screeching “Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!” and giving out tight hugs. I smiled back at Jon because I knew there was no one else I would trust to see our family in these moments, and I handed over everything to him because I knew – he got it. He got the importance of this for us. Mckenna ended up being completely taken with Jon, and was more accommodating and calm than I have seen her in a long time. We spent thirty glorious, giggly, love glowy minutes with her in her backyard. Giving her love, and what was more special, receiving it back from her in return and having it all captured.

 

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This session ended up being perfect for us. For so many reasons. Mckenna was involved, but she didn’t have to be dragged out to a location she wasn’t comfortable with, thus making all of us uncomfortable. We got to spend some truly magical time with her, and then we got to say goodbye and we would see her next week. As if that wasn’t enough, we got to go focus on what the five of us have together, in one of my favorite places.

Our life is not perfect or typical and I hope I never cheapen what I really have to portray it as such.

The transition to having Mckenna live outside our home has been very difficult on me. One year in, I have finally come to terms with where we are and that we did the right thing for our family. Everyone is happy, even her.

These photos are visual proof of that.

A NEWBORN SESSION – MOM & NORA

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This is Emily and Nora. I have known Emily my entire life, because our mothers have been best friends our entire lives. Social media has brought us close in the last few years, and it makes sense that we get along because we are basically replicas of our own mothers. I was selfishly pumped to do this session because it meant Nora snuggles and in person Emily chats,  instead of our endless snarky texts back and forth.

I could photograph Emily all day. She is stunning and funny and comfortable with herself.

I normally tend to see and photograph horizontally, but for some reason today I was all about the vertical. I have been feeling myself seeing more vertically lately. Interesting to ponder. I’m going with it.

I don’t get to do a lot of newborn sessions, so when I do I steal a lot of snuggles. I try not to do the typical thing, and I like to get to what it really feels like to have a baby that’s just a few days old.

The laughing boob shot is my newest favorite picture that I’ve ever taken.

SOME THINGS I’M LOVING ON A FRIDAY

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These photos from a chilly trip to my favorite hill. The ones of the four of us were taken by my friend Ashley.

Sometimes I worry that my kids are only entertained by phones and games and tv. And then I drag them out of the house to do something as simple as climb the hill and hang out and the grumbles stop as soon as we get out of the car and the smell of California Sage hits our faces. I hang back and watch their goofy antics and look at them and sit in grateful awe that I made them in this body so many years ago. They come to me to rest their heads on my shoulder and come to me to bring a eucalyptus pod they found on the ground. I watch them appreciate the light and Instagram photos of the sunset. We find sour-grass and eat it with puckered faces.

Their patience with my camera means so much to me, I think because they know how much it means to me. I like to think that seeing me get so excited about light and our surroundings and their faces, that I have memorized but can never get enough of, means a lot to them, too.

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This song and video by Frazey Ford. Kind of takes me back to my Edie Brickell high school days a little bit. I love the dresses and rompers and bellies and messy bun and body positivity.


This song by Father John Misty. Heard it in the car around Christmas and had to pull the car over to listen with a wet face. Anytime it shuffles on I have to stop everything and listen to every single word as they hit me over and over again right in the gut.