Once I wrapped up my last clients of 2011 I dove headfirst into making Christmas everything it could be for my kids. Then, on New Years Eve, I got really, really sick. I just today came up for a breath of air.
I feel like I have been running with my head down for the last four months. Running to clients, running to pick up kids, running to drop off kids, running to make lunch, running to a teacher meeting, running to buy birthday party supplies, running to get my camera fixed, running to make dinner, running to the doctor, running to visit a friend, running to behavioral therapy for Mckenna, running to the airport, running home, running to the bank, running to a school function, running to the store for more toilet paper…just running, running, running.
And I want to stop.
And I want to catch my breath.
The last few days while sick in bed, I took a cold hard look at my life, and it has suffered. I have gained weight. We are eating out too much. I am not writing. I have not done any of the projects I wanted to do. We aren’t spending enough time putting energy and thought into our lives. We are just making it.
I honestly don’t know how everyone else does it. I look around and it seems like everyone else is working their asses off, making home cooked meals for their kids, redecorating their homes, redesigning websites, setting up shops, chasing their dreams, losing weight, running marathons, taking quick trips, going on dates, building tree forts, learning to kickbox….and I am just watching it all whiz by in awe while clutching my six year old branding and sage green walls and child bearing hips.
I want to spend some time on myself. I want to get this house in order. I want to take bags upon bags upon bags to Goodwill. I want to stop holding onto things for my perfect house and someday. I want to get my branding finished, (I LOVE IT), and get my new websites created. I want to spend time making healthy food. I want my body to work better. I want to learn how to do new things. I want to take my kids to the park. I want to take pictures of us. Do you know that I took a shockingly low number of pictures of my own family this year? I hate that.
Right now, I have a chance. January is notoriously slow for portrait photographers. So I am taking it.
I am going radio silent on the blog until I feel like I have some things back under control. I have got to cut something out. I heavily feel the weight of the silence here, and I just need to say something so I don’t stress about it anymore. I am not going to be posting. I am not going to be thinking of meaningful content. I am not going to be editing photos for other people.
I will catch my breath. And I will come back. Soon.
For now, if you wish, you can keep up with us on my snapshots blog: I don’t want to forget a thing, where my iphone photos are automagically shared.
Until I feel more alive,