quiet.

I feel a little bit quiet right now. In the eye of the storm.

So here are some photos from a quiet midday, still in my pajamas, while making cookies for the kids to come home to. I hadn’t planned on photographing this. But once I got everything out and fired up the oven, I remembered that I had told myself to pick up my camera more. I have been missing it, missing just shooting for myself. My kitchen and I were the only subjects around. It just kind of happened.

Looking at these, knowing I have them, makes me feel good. This is a big part of my life as a mom. Hair in a bun, working from home, no make up on, comfy pants, cooking something up for the kids, appreciating the quiet. This is a story that hadn’t been told for me yet.

Random thoughts that came up when looking at these:

I wear aprons when I cook because I have a bad habit of wiping my hands on my clothes. Better to wipe on the apron. I also hate washing clothes. I also don’t mind wearing a dirty apron.

My kitchen is small and my black cabinets soak up all the light. (We painted them with chalkboard paint when we did some home renovations back in 2007.) Cooking for six isn’t easy in here. Cooking for entertaining is nearly impossible. That counter is my only real working space. If I had a bunch of money it would go towards the kitchen. Knock out a wall, bring in an island, create a more functional pantry, have a few open shelves…

Anything in bulk that I can put in a jar, I do – because my pantry is tiny and overflows onto the top of the fridge. No flat space goes to waste. And jars are beautiful.

Brown eggs are beautiful, too.

Pyrex is also beautiful. I have been collecting Pyrex for at least ten years. I don’t have a lot, but the pieces I do have, I got cheap, and I love.

Most of the things in my kitchen have been purchased second hand. I love scouring thrift stores, flea markets, and garage sales for beautifully worn in bowls and containers.

A huge jasmine bush blooms just outside that kitchen window. A great idea that the previous homeowners had. All white carpet was not.

That little red pan on the stove sits there semi-permanently. It is the pan I fry eggs in every morning.

I have a scrabble tile rack above my sink. One word to remind me. The word used to be SMILE – but the E fell into the disposal awhile ago. Now the word is SLIM. That works for me, too.

But not until after I eat some cookie dough.

xo

Tara

Unrelated PS –

For Japan with Love has raised over $55k. THAT IS AWESOME!

I will be making final decisions on a graphic designer this week. Thank you to all who have applied.

for Japan with love

Japan is on my mind. I can’t stop thinking about how there was probably someone very  much like me who was affected by the earthquakes and tsunami. Someone who has four kids and a husband she loves. Someone who is a photographer and a blogger. Someone who was drinking coffee while she waited to pick up her kids from school.

And then I see the tsunami footage, and the wreckage that she is now living in, and I imagine everything she has lost, and I want to help her. I want to help her because she could be me.

Earthquakes are something we deal with in southern California. I live a few miles from the coast of the Pacific Ocean. A Tsunami could happen here. I look at my children, my house, my husband, our family and friends and cars and things and photographs and mementos, and I just cannot fathom having it all ripped away in the blink of an eye. I can’t imagine losing everything. But it just as easily could have been me who lost everything.

It could have been you.

Since it wasn’t, since we can still hug our children and sip our coffee and write our blogs, since we can still sit in our homes and call our friends and turn on the lights and cook dinner, we have a huge responsibility to help them.

I feel a huge responsibility to give in my excess.

So I am joining hundreds of other bloggers today in a day of silence, for Japan with love. (I just found out about this, so I guess I am not being entirely silent today).

Bloggers from Utterly Engaged and Ever Ours have organized to raise money for Japan. All donations will go towards emergency shelter and lifesaving supplies via Shelterbox.

From the Shelterbox donation page:

We’ve all seen the images and videos rolling in of the devastation from the Japan earthquake and tsunamis. While aftershocks and tsunami scares are still happening days later, the nation is in for a long long road of recovery. So far, the death toll is estimated to be 2,800. In just one town, 9,500 are missing. Not only do the survivors have to suffer the loss of loved ones, but as temperatures fall, electricity, water and food are now scarce to none. Many have tried to go back to their homes and to start picking up the pieces, only to find the tsunamis have plowed their homes down and there is literally nothing for them to come home to. Convenience stores have lines hours long and a limit of 10 items to each person. The second crisis has only begun and so many are left helpless.

We are not ones to sit and do nothing. While as much as we’d like to hop on a plane and fly there to help with the search and rescue, the immediate need for help for those in Japan is the dire need for shelter. This fundraising page is specifically geared to help with that. Utterly Engaged and Ever Ours have handpicked ShelterBox as the organization to donate to.

ShelterBox provide emergency shelter and lifesaving supplies for families around the world who are affected by disasters at the time when they need it the most. Each large green ShelterBox is tailored to a disaster but typically contains a disaster relief tent for an extended family, blankets, water storage and purification equipment, cooking utensils, a stove, a basic tool kit, a children’s activity pack and other vital items. A whole box costs $1,000 (US), so we’re hoping to raise enough to send 5 boxes.

Please join us. We know it won’t save the nation, but we strongly believe every little helps. Whatever you can contribute, we truly appreciate.

Here’s how you can help:

Donate by clicking on this link to For Japan with love or Shelterbox.

Share this on your own blog.

The initial goal was to make $5000, in order to send 5 boxes. The current total is over $30k. Let’s get it even higher – let’s send 100 boxes to Japan!

the nike ad that I taped to my bedroom wall.

You were born a daughter.

You looked up to your mother.

You looked up to your father.

You looked up at everyone.

You wanted to be a princess.

You thought you were a princess.

You wanted to own a horse.

You wanted to be a horse.

You wanted your brother to be a horse.

You wanted to wear pink.

You never wanted to wear pink.

You wanted to be a Veterinarian.

You wanted to be President.

You wanted to be the President’s Veterinarian.

You were picked last for the team.

You were the best one on the team.

You refused to be on the team.

You wanted to be good in algebra.

You hid during algebra.

You wanted the boys to notice you.

You were afraid the boys would notice you.

You started to get acne.

You started to get breasts.

You started to get acne that was bigger than your breasts.

You wouldn’t wear a bra.

You couldn’t wait to wear a bra.

You couldn’t fit into a bra.

You didn’t like the way you looked.

You didn’t like the way your parents looked.

You didn’t want to grow up.

You had your first best friend.

You had your first date.

You had your second best friend.

You had your second first date.

You spent hours on the telephone.

You got kissed.

You got to kiss back.

You went to the prom.

You didn’t go to the prom.

You went to the prom with the wrong person.

You spent hours on the telephone.

You fell in love.

You fell in love.

You fell in love.

You lost your best friend.

You lost your other best friend.

You really fell in love.

You became a steady girlfriend.

You became a significant other.

YOU BECAME SIGNIFICANT TO YOURSELF.

Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it’s time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete.

Because you know it’s never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one.

JUST DO IT

-Nike

***

This is a Nike print ad from the 90’s. I remember when I read it for the first time. How it was like a punch in the stomach. How it felt like I had written it – or how it felt written directly for me. At the time, I was only 13, maybe 14. I loved it so much that I ripped it out of whatever magazine I was reading and taped it to my wall. Where it stayed for a very long time.

Last night, I was reunited with it via Roger Ebert’s twitter feed, and this post on Keka’s blog.

I had completely forgotten about it – and coming across it again brought me to tears, the same way it did back then. It has been in my subconscious all these years, waiting to be noticed I think. Reading it again was like hugging a very old friend that I had lost and thought was gone forever.

It is hard to imagine where I was when I first read it compared to where I am now. I am so much the same, but also so very different. I never thought I would make it to the part where I became significant to myself….but here I am.

This is my version of taping it to my bedroom wall.

xo

Tara