since mckenna was in the hospital.
february 9th is the night she was burned, one year ago. february 9th is the night that i put a pot on the stove to boil, sat the kids on the couch in their jammies to watch "a bugs life" and ran upstairs to check my email. feb 9th is the night that mckenna decided to put the noodles in the pot, got too close to the stove, and caught fire to her over sized veggie tales pajama shirt. february 9th is the night i heard her scream, heard her scream in a way that i had never heard anyone scream, ran to the top of the stairs, and saw her on fire. it is the night that i ran downstairs, ran down a too long flight of stairs, screaming myself, the other three kids running to see what was happening, and picked her up and put her out on my carpet. it is the night that i called 911. that i called jeff, on a business trip in LA. the night that i rode in an ambulance with three firefighters/paramedics and called my mom to tell her what happened. the night that a police officer stayed at my house with my three other children, finished making the spaghetti and waited for my mother and father in law to take over. the night i thought i might die while i waited for them to tell me something. that i learned how hard you could cry. and how little you could care about anything else. the night jeff drove from LA to get to us at the hospital. the night i saw so many things in her, in myself, in jeff, in our families, in doctors and nurses. feb 9th 2005 is the night that changed our life.
this last year has been hell. stressful. sad. a struggle to get through. we have seen our lowest lows. our children have seen us reach our lowest lows. have seen me emotionally wrecked. for a short time, we didnt know if mckenna would live. and when i say short time, i mean the actual days spanned about six or seven. but in my heart, that time will be forever imprinted as an eternity. the things i have seen will never be forgotten. the things she has gone through will never be forgotten. there are vivid pictures in my head of that night. vivid pictures that when they hit me, are like an electric shock. they run from my brain down my back to my stomach. and hit me, hard. i have to shake my head, shake it off. i still cant believe it happened to her, and to me. there are burn marks on our carpet that are covered up by a rug. there are scars on her body that are healing, but so evident and such a reminder that life is fragile and sacred. there are scars in all of us, jeff, drew, nathan, anna, and myself.
but time heals.
on that night, one year ago….with the rest of our journey spanning before me, seemingly endless, i never could have imagined where we would be now.
her birthday was sunday. she is ten. last year, she had just come out of surgery and we celebrated her birthday in a hospital room. her, barely cognizant of what was happening. me, barely holding on for dear life as my parents brought the other kids to see us. as i watched my oldest, my baby girl, in so much pain. as we sang happy birthday and gave her gifts that really didnt mean anything at all.
over the course of six weeks, the hospital became our home. six weeks sounds so short when you type it out, or say it out loud. but when your entire life is on pause, when your entire life becomes the inner workings of a burn unit, when your entire life is held hostage by a tragedy, you are never the same.
i wanted to post this here, because this is where i came when i needed to express my pain. my fear. my joy as she got better. and this is the place where i got so much in return. so many of you helped to hold me up as i went through that time. and i just want to say thank you.
thank you so much. i could never express it enough.
God bless you and your wonderful family. I pray that the upcoming year will be filled with joy. Your daughter is beautiful and so are you.
Laurie
I think we all feel as if we went through this with you and your family. Thank you for the opportunity to realize that anything can change in the blink of an eye. What it also teaches us is the incredible inner strength that shows through just when it’s needed most. We sort of “do what we have to do, no matter what” and that is what gets us through these debilitating frightful times in our lives. You really never know how much you can do(handle)until getting smacked in the head with a devistating trauma. Thank you for sharing your emotionally brave story with us.
Love,
Cindy
P.S. Don has been done with cancer treatments for a bit now and is doing well.
Love you so much T. Happy birthday to the big girl! double digits!!
Tara, my heart ached when I read that post and even though my kids were hounding me at the time I cried. I discovered your blog just before McKenna came home and had to go back and read the torments you went through. It is so wonderful to see that gorgeous smile of McKenna at her birthday. Thank you for sharing such a huge part of your life and Happy Birthday to McKenna!!
God bless you and your family. May his grace and peace be over you. Happy Birthday to a very special little girl, who has a very special momma!
happy birthday McKenna!
a birthday seems appropriate for this time of year.
marking off the old
and preparing for the new.
kellicrowe
Tara,
You have gone through what every mother fears. The chance of loosing a child. Knowing the pain you went through, I am more certain than ever what an amazing woman, wife and mother you are. McKenna is lucky to have you and I hope that she continues to heal and that soon in the future your life is free of struggle and pain.
Robin Gibbons
Tara.
Your writing inspires me.
Your love for your children warms me.
Your strength astounds me.
Thank you.
McKenna.
You are SUCH a big girl now.
You are strong like your Mummy.
May your future be as bright and warm as the smile on your face .
Breathe in the goodness, and thrive, little girl.
MANY happy returns!
Ngaire
In Brisbane Australia
xxxx
God has blessed McKenna with among many things….you as her mother.
Happy Birthday McKenna. Look at how far you’ve come!
Last year, I had just found your blog around the time of McKenna’s accident. It hit close at a time when my son had just been through a serious illness and emergency surgery. I remember his friends being upset when they saw how bad he looked and their parents looking sad when they saw him. But I couldn’t see it. All I could see was that he was ok and he was getting better. It was months later that I saw a picture of his basketball team in a huddle and couldn’t find him in the picture. I didn’t recognize him because of how bad he looked. While he was sick I couldn’t allow myself to see that because in my mind, I had to see him getting better. He had a really rough year, getting back to a normal routine and back in good health. In Nov., he said out of the blue, “I can’t wait until Dec. 23rd.” When I asked him why, he said it was because the worst year of his life would end on the anniversary of his surgery. And he was looking forward to starting fresh.
When I was reading your entry, I was crying. Then I saw the picture of McKenna and couldn’t help smile. She looks so full of joy that you could never imagine what she had been through. It reminded me of what my son had said, because it looked like she is ready to start a much better year..filled with joy and laughter. Best wishes to all of you for continued healing.
Hello Miss Tara! Though I have read your blog, I’ve never posted anything. Today, I felt the need to tell you what an amazing woman, wife, mom and photographer you are! You share details of your life with the whole world and it makes so many of us realize what we really have. Thank you for sharing your realism, your honesty, your private life and your beautiful family. You are soooooo very talented! I continue to tell my husband that when we win the lottery the first thing I’m doing is booking a session with you and buying the family airline tickets to CA.
Best Wishes to Your Entire Family– today, tomorrow and always!
thank you for opening your heart to the rest of us humble scrapbookers. Love your raw emotion. Love your sense of reality in all you write and in all the pics you post.
You are such an inspiration.
I want to have a photo session with you one day.. for me and my 2 daughters… I am a noncustodial mom.. and I don’t get to see my children every day like you do.
You are blessed.. don’t ever forget that.
loveya,
bonnierose in MN
I”ve read your blog a lot, too, Tara, but never posted. Today, as I sit here with tears streaming, I have to say that you are so blessed to be where you are, having gone through all you have, and surely be the stronger for it. McKenna looks wonderful and full of joy. Revel in it and don’t look back. Be cautious, be safe, be thankful, and find peace. You’re amazing.
Your story has truly touched my heart today. I am continually inspired by your words and your photographs. God bless! Happy birthday McKenna!
lots of hugs to you and your family. it is good to see the smile on mckenna’s face. her smile has always warmed my heart. keep on smilin’
ria
Happy Birthday McKenna!!
Happy healing to an incredibly strong, incredibly great family.
wow tara….brought me to tears to read what happened to you and your family, but so glad to see how far all of you have come. and it is a very huge reminder of how fragile all of us really are but aren’t at the same time.
Tara, lurker here but a friend of Donna D.’s (I have her old desk :)
All I can say is WOW! I CANNOT imagine what you went thru. I have a 9 year old daughter and two others…I can see how easily that could occur in my household. I brought my 9 year old and 6 year old into my office so they could hear your story. So happy it had a good ending! You guys are fighters!
Be strong,
April
Happy Birthday McKenna!! For all of you to have come through that year with such grace & end up with a smiling birthday girl at the end speaks volumns about you as a family. Facing the mortality of your child changes you in a way you only understand if you’ve been there, you will never forget that feeling but you’ll never take a moment of her for granted either.
HUGS to you all!
It hardly seems like a year, and yet you’ve all come so far. Time does heal.
Love that bright eyed picture of her. So happy. Happy birthday to her!
love you t.
Happy Birthday Mckenna!!
Tara, you and your whole family are amazing and inspirational.
I love your writing.
Thank you so much for sharing your story–I started reading your blog several months after the accident, so I back-read one afternoon while my kids were watching a movie and never understood what had actually happened to McKenna. Holy cow. I can’t imagine. I am guessing you are a strong, strong person, Tara. I love feeling connected to you and your family, even though we are strangers! Friends in blogdom. Your family is beautiful–and happy birthday, McKenna!
ok, i am crying pretty hard at work now… it is so terrifying when you put it out there like that. i feel like i bottled that all up and put it away in a deep dark place so i could be strong for us. and now here it comes bursting out. i am dying right now. i am so glad she is ok, and we are ok, and things are getting better. don’t know what else to say.
Happy Birthday McKenna! Thanks for sharing your feelings Tara. It made me cry to think of all you have ALL been through the past year. But you have made it and you all are stronger for it. Big hugs and love to you!
Sheridan
what can you say after that — you have and your family have touched my heart and soul. you are an amazing woman tara — you are like the earth mother — amazing strength and depth and love comes from you. we have been in so many of the same places this past year and we just do it — we are in it and we do it. i look up to you and love you.
Happy Birthday McKenna!
You are beautiful, just like your mama!
Tara you are amazing! Thank you for being such an inspiration! Many blessings for you and your family!
Tara, I started reading your blog a couple of months ago and I didn’t have any idea about your daughter’s burn until today. My son was burned a year and a half ago and reading your writings today brought back that same sick feeling in my own stomach you think you’ve forgotten about. Haper’s burn was with an iron and while in the scheme of things it’s realatively minor burn lets just say we are well familiar with terms like “3rd degree burn” and “donor sites”. When we hit our year mark we were told to come back in a year and we were finally free of the compression garment. It’s been a joyous amount of freedom not to worry about maintaince and the guilt mostly comes back when we have a nosey relative or an unexpecting employee at Chucky cheeze. Good luck in the next year, may her scares heal beautifully and add only character to her beauty. Stay strong, Jodee
It was after the incident that I started following/discovered your blog. I never knew what happened just that your daughter was burned. You have been and continue to be an inspiration to a lot of people out there, in scrapbooking, photography and in everyday life. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. It is nice to see someone you admire on a more personal level, rather than just seeing your work in a magazine and not knowing anything about them. I like how scrapbooking and 2peas brought so many people together. Again, thanks for being such and inspiration to so many people.
Happy Birthday McKenna!!!!
Thank you for sharing this story Tara. McKenna looks so beautiful in that birthday picture of her, so happy and glowing. You are an inspiration and so is she. Happy Birthday to McKenna and happy happy days to you too.
I wonder if — in all of this — you had any idea how many people’s lives you would touch so profoundly — and how much we would all come to admire your bravery, your courage — McKenna’s courage — and your voice. That one, true voice that rings so clean and clear through all the Internet. I am so glad that you have shared this past year with us. So glad that McKenna has been so resilient. So glad that time has begun the healing process. Wishing you and your family much love and peace…
L.
Thank you so much for sharing your story! How incredibly scary and frightening for all of you!
Happy Birthday McKenna!
This year is one to be a fantastic year for you all!!!
Hugs to you girl. xoxo
Happy birthday, Mckenna. Thank you for sharing your story, Tara.
Hugs to you and your baby girl on this day.
I’m another one who found your blog about one year ago and have been faithfully reading ever since. You are an amazing woman, Tara Whitney, with an incredible family.
Happy birthday to that sweet, happy, beautiful girl of yours! It must have been such an awesome celebration this year!
Tara – what an amazing journey. Hugs to you and to McKenna and to your entire family. What a testament to you and to your family and to your values. . .you all held together. . .people and things are mending. . .I’ve known your story via your blog – one evening several months ago, I read something in your blog, that me go back to the beginning – and read. I read it all. . .I cried – I laughed. I went in and looked at my soundly sleeping son and thanked God for all he has given us. Thank you for sharing your soul – what a gift you have given, when you should have been so needy yourself. God Bless and Happy Birthday to McKenna.
Hillary
like a million other people, i’m sure, i started reading your blog right after this happened and have followed mckenna’s physical healing here as well. what you have done tonight is to give a gift – a gift to yourself because by writing down the words and telling the story, you have started the healing – for you and for your whole family. life is messy, life sucks, life is hard, and oh my god, life is painful. it’s how we survive those messy, sucky, painful parts of our life that make it worth living. you have not only survived, but you have triumphed! and that precious, joyful picture of mckenna turning 10 is the proof. you have also given another gift – to us, your readers, your audience – and that is the gift of your voice. and it is an amazing gift you have.
happy, happy, happy birthday to mckenna!!!! and ((((((hugs)))))) to you!!!! stephpea
Oh my can someone please pass the tissues..girl you and your family are such an inspiration and that you shared your year with us has touched so many.. Thank you..puts life in perspective.
Happy Birthday McKenna!
Tara,
Amazing writing, amazing Mom, amazing spirit. Thanks for sharing. You’re an inspiration to strangers out here on the internet.
Tara,
Thank you so much for sharing with us. You are such a amazing person. I read all the comments that you have recieved and it truely shows how much you touch people and how loved you are. Here’s to a happy and wonderful 2006 for all in your family and Happy Birthday McKenna!!!!
Lora
HUGS to you, Jeff, Mckenna, Nate, Drew & Anna!!
Happy Birthday Mckenna!!!!
“Happy 10th Birthday McKenna”
You both truly have an amazing spirit. You have touched lives without realizing the full extent, asking for only prayers in return.
May the next year and years after that be full of joy and happiness as only you and your crew deserve.
Karen all the way from Australia.
God bless you all.
I didn’t know about this. I can’t even imagine how hard this must have been, for you, for her, for your family. It’s amazing how we view people we don’t really know, but admire from afar, as having perfect lives and yet we don’t know what struggles or tragedies they have gone through. Thank you for sharing this. What an incredible story. You are both beautiful.
Tara, I think you are one of the most amazing women that I “know”..you touched my soul many times throughout the past year but none like you did tonight. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family.
Happy Birthday beautiful McKenna!!
Oh, Tara, what a year it has been. What strength you posess. What a darling little girl. Happy birthday, McKenna!
I am in tears reading your recollections from that night. Amazing…you,McKenna,your family. Amazing. Happy birthday precious girl!
sending ((hugs)) and love to your family.. i remember following your story while waiting for updates from a family friend whose son was in the hospital fighting for his life after a severe head injury… so happy that mckenna and J are both SO far from where they were last year…
She looks so freaking cute beaming with her birthday hat on. :) Thank you for letting me be a small part of your life at that point…the strength I saw in you and McKenna is something I will never forget. I’m so glad to see you all thriving and happy a year later…