since mckenna was in the hospital.
february 9th is the night she was burned, one year ago. february 9th is the night that i put a pot on the stove to boil, sat the kids on the couch in their jammies to watch "a bugs life" and ran upstairs to check my email. feb 9th is the night that mckenna decided to put the noodles in the pot, got too close to the stove, and caught fire to her over sized veggie tales pajama shirt. february 9th is the night i heard her scream, heard her scream in a way that i had never heard anyone scream, ran to the top of the stairs, and saw her on fire. it is the night that i ran downstairs, ran down a too long flight of stairs, screaming myself, the other three kids running to see what was happening, and picked her up and put her out on my carpet. it is the night that i called 911. that i called jeff, on a business trip in LA. the night that i rode in an ambulance with three firefighters/paramedics and called my mom to tell her what happened. the night that a police officer stayed at my house with my three other children, finished making the spaghetti and waited for my mother and father in law to take over. the night i thought i might die while i waited for them to tell me something. that i learned how hard you could cry. and how little you could care about anything else. the night jeff drove from LA to get to us at the hospital. the night i saw so many things in her, in myself, in jeff, in our families, in doctors and nurses. feb 9th 2005 is the night that changed our life.
this last year has been hell. stressful. sad. a struggle to get through. we have seen our lowest lows. our children have seen us reach our lowest lows. have seen me emotionally wrecked. for a short time, we didnt know if mckenna would live. and when i say short time, i mean the actual days spanned about six or seven. but in my heart, that time will be forever imprinted as an eternity. the things i have seen will never be forgotten. the things she has gone through will never be forgotten. there are vivid pictures in my head of that night. vivid pictures that when they hit me, are like an electric shock. they run from my brain down my back to my stomach. and hit me, hard. i have to shake my head, shake it off. i still cant believe it happened to her, and to me. there are burn marks on our carpet that are covered up by a rug. there are scars on her body that are healing, but so evident and such a reminder that life is fragile and sacred. there are scars in all of us, jeff, drew, nathan, anna, and myself.
but time heals.
on that night, one year ago….with the rest of our journey spanning before me, seemingly endless, i never could have imagined where we would be now.
her birthday was sunday. she is ten. last year, she had just come out of surgery and we celebrated her birthday in a hospital room. her, barely cognizant of what was happening. me, barely holding on for dear life as my parents brought the other kids to see us. as i watched my oldest, my baby girl, in so much pain. as we sang happy birthday and gave her gifts that really didnt mean anything at all.
over the course of six weeks, the hospital became our home. six weeks sounds so short when you type it out, or say it out loud. but when your entire life is on pause, when your entire life becomes the inner workings of a burn unit, when your entire life is held hostage by a tragedy, you are never the same.
i wanted to post this here, because this is where i came when i needed to express my pain. my fear. my joy as she got better. and this is the place where i got so much in return. so many of you helped to hold me up as i went through that time. and i just want to say thank you.
thank you so much. i could never express it enough.
Mega hugs to you Tara! Thank you so much for sharing the full story. Sounds strange since you don’t know me well, but it really meant something to me as I read it. I’m actually almost in tears. You just relayed a story that is every mother’s fear. But you lived through it, your amazing daughter lived through it & every beautiful family member lived through it. And I’m so glad! I wish you the very best & a truly HAPPY 2006. Please give that sweet little girl a HUGE birthday hug from a me.. a stranger I know, but a fan of hers never the less!
THANK YOU!!! And please do post more, I love it! Yours is the only one I visit every day just hoping for more amazing photos.
Shannon
Happy Birthday Kenna! Thank you for sharing that with us. That had to be hard.
Kenna is an amazing little girl. I’m glad to hear that things are going well.
Wow! Is about all I can say. For all the times I have walked away from the stove while a pot was on it, this really made me think. I wish you and your family, and most of all Miss McKenna, a peaceful healing.
Wow – thank you for sharing of yourself, Tara. I have never before commented on anyone’s blog, but as I was reading your words, I was compelled to write to you to thank you for sharing something so personal so beautifully. I can’t imagine the strength that it took on everyone’s parts to get through such a period, but your words absolutely to convey a sense of all the emotions you must have had. Thank you. And a very happy birthday to your precious daughter.
Patty
Let me be the 205th person to say… wow. It’s so good to see that sweet little girl smiling so genuninely… the whole thing just makes me weepy. Can’t imagine, not in a million years, how you managed this last year. But you did : )
Thank you so much for sharing McKenna’s story – your story. It is people like you who are responsible for helping people like me in life. I worked with an 18-year-old girl who was burned very badly by a pot of boiling water she pulled down on herself when she was a toddler. She still has to go to the Shriner’s Hospital in Boston for surgeries. I think of her almost every time I cook on the stove and my children are around. Thanks to her, I am so hyper-aware of what I am doing. Thanks to you I have renewed that awareness. I tend to think that things like this only happen to other people. Thanks to you and your openness I am forced to see that things like this could easily happen to me. So even though it is not much comfort, please know that you have probably saved many children already from the same tragedy by making people aware of the dangers of common day-to-day activities. Thank you and happy birthday to your precious daughter. God bless you.
er, genuinely. that’s what i meant. not genuninely.
God bless all of you, Tara. It’s nearly a year since I discovered your blog, then. Big hugs to you all. Happy birthday to McKenna (such a BIG girl now!). Hope this is all very soon a distant, distant memory xxx
I did not know your story and sit here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. What a very strong family you are. Thank you for posting this, it is incredibly touching. Happy Birthday to you McKenna!
Tara, Just wanted to wish McKenna a happy Birthday too. I found your site right after her accident last year, like so many others. I was beginning to get into scrapbooking…found TwoPeas and then you from there. Our daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes last year right around the time I found your blog, so I could relate to alot of the feelings you were having regarding being so scared for your child. And through your blog I found Cathy, Donna, Ali and Dooce, which are all daily parts of my world now! Thank you very much for that. You inspired me to start my own blog in fact and to record my girls daily with my own photography and journaling. To see how you manage to do work you love and be a mom to four children…well it is impressive as so many have said. You’ve been so gracious, having taken time to email once after I commented to give me a word of support for our daughter. You are a very likable girl for sure, even via this medium. Wish I could be friends with you in all truth! Anyway, you should be very proud of what you’ve accomplished the past year…and before that too. It always amazes me to see how many people read your blog. Wish just a fraction of those read mine, ha,ha! Love to you and all your family! It was great to read your journaling again…have to admit I miss hearing from ya about stuff like this. Photos are great, but your entries were the reason I came to your blog time and time!
Time does heal. Thank you for sharing your story with us again, Tara. God Bless You and your family as you continue to heal. You know our thoughts and prayers continue in this area of your lives. Happy birthday, sweet McKenna!!
We’ve never met but I’ve thought a lot about you this past year. I often wonder how what you’ve experienced has changed your perspective on everything in life from something as small as single moments in each of your days to something as large as your faith. I’ve admired how you’ve managed to allow life to go on while you worked your way through your trials. Thanks for sharing what could have understandably been a very private part of your life and allowing others to be inspired by how you’ve dealt with it.
Kendra
happy happy birthday mckenna!
serendipity brought me to your blog months ago and i was instantly drawn in, reading through your archives, welled with tears at mckenna and your story. as a mom of 3 littles i can only imagine what that must have been like for you. tara, you are so so brave. it’s a moment that could’ve happened to anyone.
a year can heal a lot.
just wondering if you’d ever consider returning to your journal blog? i check in periodically to see if you’ve changed your mind. hope one day you will, until then my thoughts float out to you across the continent.
linda from toronto, canada
Happy Birthday McKenna hope your day is filled with happiness and love.
WOW Tara what an incredible journey you and your family have been on this past year, a huge emotional roller coaster, thanks goodness you had a positive outcome, as a mum myself I can only imagine what you must have gone through on that night 12 months ago, my heart goes out to you all for all that you have endured.
Take Care
Tracy x
Tara, you are such a strong person, and have a beautiful way with words. I was balling reading this post. I’ve been through something similar, and I too re-live that time quite often when I’m alone, or in bed at night. My sister was in a plane crash 3 years ago right before Christmas and was burned very badly, I spent 2 months with her in the burn center. Living a lot of what I’m sure you and your family went through, while at the same time taking care of my 3 children, and her 5 children. I CANT IMAGINE the type of pain I would have experienced had it been my own child. Thank you for your strong words, and spirit. You inspire me to remember what’s important in life. It does get easier…just hold on. Makenna is a beautiful girl, and she was spared for a reason, her work here on earth is not finished yet. God bless you and your family, thank you for sharing!!! Happy birthday Makenna!!
Candice
Tara – I cried over your family’s story last night and have thought about you alot today. You have been such an inspiring photographer – and from everything everyone writes about you — you alse seem to be a really cool person. Here is yet one more of your great traits – your strength! I don’t know how you’ve done all the work you’ve done in this past year all the while helping McKenna and your family and yourself heal. What an inspiration.
Bless you. Jane
Happy Birthday, McKenna!!
Just brings tears to my eyes. I know it’s been said before, but time heals – it will get easier.
Thank you for sharing, Tara.
You have put into words the feelings that my family experienced 20 yrs ago with my youngest brother. It was heartwrenching for us as a family, and those touch and go days in ICU in the burn unit were the longest of my young life at the time. You have described those emotions beautifully, I know they must have been hard to write. He is now serving our country and he enjoys some ‘fame’ for that at Champ Camp every year. He and my parents were blessed by Children’s Hospital and Shriner’s as well as the amazing staff. Thank you for sharing your feelings and Happy belated Birthday to McKenna!!!
~Heather
wow tara… i can’t believe it’s been a year.
mckenna has grown so much- you can see the joy on her beautiful face in the birthday picture. so different from those pictures a year ago.
you amaze me.
Oh God, Tara… I am crying with you again. I remember finding your blog and reading thru all the pain that was going on and crying then. I can’t believe it’s been a year either, I can’t believe that it was only 6 wks in the hospital – it seems much longer to me too. I can’t believe she turned 10 – such a big girl! Going back up to her photo – I can see it in her face – she’s growing up! Such joy there! It’s there because of you, Jeff, Drew, Nate, Anna and the rest of your wonderful family!
Happy Birthday – dear, sweet McKenna!
And thank you to you, Tara… for letting us peek into your life and share it with you! I am always amazed at the timing this blog had for you and have always felt that it was one of those things that was meant to be, to be there in place. Just too cool! :)
Tara…I have silently watched and love your work in the mags and other publications…and as I sat here reading your account of a little over a year ago, I immediatly started tearing up…I realize you may never read this with all these wonderful posts…but in case you do…I am a nurse and I so vivdly remember as if it were yesterday, a little child I took care of in the burn unit during my nurses’ training some 22 years ago…that physical pain is so deep that it was difficult to control, and even though it wasn’t my child, I wept just as if it were mine…I have never forgotten that so I am acquainted with some of the agony you might have gone through…my heart physically hurts as I remember the account…I am so thankful that your daughter has recovered and is looking forward to a beautiful new year, and from the look of the photo, is a beautiful young lady with so much joy in her heart! Thanks for sharing what must have been so difficult to recount…blessings for a beautiful new year!
Tara, I never did know the details, I just remember hearing McKenna was hurt, I remember e-mailing your mom to ask what happened and she told me she got burned, but never knew the details….I can’t imagine having to go through that, hear your child in pain, having to run down stairs to get to her that I’m sure seemed like forever, your other kids coming to see what was going on and their own shock…I can’t imagine what you had gone through as a family, only a view into what happened through your words as McKenna healed and you tried to heal, too. I got occasional updates through your mom, and now to celebrate her birthday a year later, reflecting…what a remarkable journey, hard I know, but you are all together, all knowing the blessings you’ve had come through this tragedy, and I wish you all continued blessings! Happy belated birthday to McKenna.
I think about you and mckenna every day, Tara. every day. it is so wonderful to see her birthday pic and her smile. hugs to you.
Man, reading this just brought it all rushing back, Tara. Big hugs to all of you.
Tara,
I am full of emotion over this post. We are coming up to our anniversary too. Of living in a hospital, but with a very different outcome. Time does heal. Its been nearly 13 years. But you never forget!
Hugs to you!
As I read your blog entry it started to sink in that this could have been my story. As a child I too had my pj’s catch on fire from a stove burner. I was six. I didn’t listen to my grandmother and tried to reach some cookies that were in the cupboard over the stove. Lucky that my grandmother happened to be in the bathroom directly off of the kitchen that day, she put out my flaming pj’s with her bare hands. She had burns all over the palms of her hands and I had burns up my back. I was indeed very lucky. I can’t begin to imagine what your daughter has been through in the past year, but I am glad that she is healing and that your family is so fantastically supportive and has fantastic support. Bless you.
There *are* tons of people that care about the fate of your family- I am one of them.. so glad to hear that *everyone* is healing. Happy Birthday to McKenna!
Tara, Your story, your courage, your tragedy… has brought me to tears so many times. Look at that smile on McKenna’s face. I remember a year ago when you posted about not being able to touch her and how much one of her smiles meant. The scars (physical and emotional) may still be there, but your family is recovering. The love and kindness that you show for your family inspires me.
Peace to you.
Silently I weep…for a family I do not know, for a little girl and her mother. Bless the both you and your entire family.
Tara, I still find myself holding my breath just reading through your recount of what happened on that day and how time stood still. I will never forget that day myself, as it was our first day having just moved back home and still unpacking when we got the call that a terrible accident had occurred. I vividly remember feeling so helpless for you and Jeff both and almost not knowing what to do next; almost feeling frozen, unable to speak or truly understand what all was going to happen next. But I prayed and prayed for you all and I was amazed to witness your strength, courage and love for eachother shine through. I was thankful to have those experiences with Drew, Nate and Anna that brought me closer to them than ever before. And I couldn’t be more proud of you and Jeff! To be there to see Mckenna dance around that restaraunt on her birthday this year was such a bitter sweet moment for me! Mckenna is such a joy and blessing to our family. I love you guys so much!
I just want to say something, but I don’t have words Tara. I love that you guys are fighters–and through this past year, your family has been courageous to keep on in the right direction, together.
And a sweet birthday wish for Mckenna.
My first born’s birthday is also on the 19th and as I read this post and as I have read all the ones in the past regarding this fateful night, I wondered if I would have been able to have been as quick to react, conscious enough to have made all those phone calls and still standing long enough to make the trip to the hospital. We all react in our own way and with the strength that we are given. McKenna is a blessing to your family as you are to her. It is a great reminder to how precious that is. Thank you for sharing your story, your healing process with all of us.
Tara,
Every time I visit your blog I get chills. And I mean every time. Your photography … simply amazing.
But never in a million years did I expect to get chills in this way. I read your blog a few nights ago about everything you experienced. Everything McKenna experienced. Everything your family experienced. And I experienced chills (and tears) like never before. You lived through every parents worst nightmare. You did it courageously. Eloquently. Inspirationally.
I didn’t know before a few nights ago about everything you’ve been through. I can’t imagine how throughout it all you’ve given so much to so many – myself included. You’re truly an amazing person and I thank you for inspiring me in so many ways.
Tara,
Every time I visit your blog I get chills. And I mean every time. Your photography … simply amazing.
But never in a million years did I expect to get chills in this way. I read your blog a few nights ago about everything you experienced. Everything McKenna experienced. Everything your family experienced. And I experienced chills (and tears) like never before. You lived through every parents worst nightmare. You did it courageously. Eloquently. Inspirationally.
I didn’t know before a few nights ago about everything you’ve been through. I can’t imagine how throughout it all you’ve given so much to so many – myself included. You’re truly an amazing person and I thank you for inspiring me in so many ways.
someone asked if i was still reading.
I
AM.
i am so floored. so totally floored.
thank you for sharing your feelings and for giving back to me so much in this way.
Happy Belated Birthday to McKenna! It’s great to see her so happy and doing so well.
I feel for you and your family and admire your strength.
My daughter had a serious accident 3-1/2 years ago, just before her 13th birthday. She was impaled by a 13″ wooden steak when a tree fell on her, while she was doing nothing more then sitting on our deck. I remember the hours, waiting for her to come out of surgery and wondering how it would affect her. I’m happy to say that, other then a few scars, she is doing wonderful! As i’m sure McKenna will!
Thanks so much for sharing your life and your talents with all of us. You are an inspiration!
Sending big birthday wishes to McKenna and peace and love to all of you.
God bless you. God bless you, your little girl, and your family.
Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. You are a beautiful mom !
Belated birthday wishes to Mckenna. Thanks for sharing your story that was some journaling right there. I remeber seeing sll the cards for Mckenna on peas. You are an inspiration.
I just wanted to tell you that your words touched me and made me cry. I am so sorry for your pain and the horrible ordeal that you and your beautiful family have been through. But thank you for sharing your inspirational story of strength and recovery with us.
Tara…you are a strong person and a wonderful mom! I never knew the details but I kept you all in my prayers…
thank you for sharing that with us and letting us in on your life. I’m sure it was tough typing that out and re-living the moment…I cried while reading it…just being a mom…I can just imagine what you all went thru during those weeks. I am soooooooo happy to see her smiling face for her birthday..she’s a cutie!
Take care and look at all these posts…you’re pretty well liked there girlie!! hee hee
Trish
I ALWAYS LOVE reading your blog … or just looking at it for that matter. Your photos are so creative and inspire us all. Your stories … well, they are your stories and beyond inspirational. OVER THE TOP and TFS! God bless!!!
OMG! This is truly one of the most moving posts I have ever read! From something so painfull and sad has come this wonderful appreciation. I know the scars will fad for your precious girl but for you Mum…..take care of yourself and know that for this there is a reason. From someone who has lost, thanks for the inspiration to push on. Your post is truly a gift for us all.
Huge hugs
e
Tara~
Thanks for reminding me & everyone that life is precious. I’m glad you made it through the last year & wish you a better one this year.
Happy Birthday Belated McKenna!!!
You’re one very special & strong young lady :)
I have never read this before, but I’m in tears just imagining. I’m so glad that McKenna made it through those trials. You’re all in my prayers.
I stumbled upon your blog today when my sister-in-law, also a photographer, linked it from hers.
I sit here, two weeks postpartum with my fourth baby girl, tears streaming down my face at the love and the beauty I have found here. Thank you for sharing your life so candidly, so honestly and with such poignant humility. It is exquisite. I feel as if I was just handed a beautiful present to unwrap!
Blessing to you and your family…