since mckenna was in the hospital.
february 9th is the night she was burned, one year ago. february 9th is the night that i put a pot on the stove to boil, sat the kids on the couch in their jammies to watch "a bugs life" and ran upstairs to check my email. feb 9th is the night that mckenna decided to put the noodles in the pot, got too close to the stove, and caught fire to her over sized veggie tales pajama shirt. february 9th is the night i heard her scream, heard her scream in a way that i had never heard anyone scream, ran to the top of the stairs, and saw her on fire. it is the night that i ran downstairs, ran down a too long flight of stairs, screaming myself, the other three kids running to see what was happening, and picked her up and put her out on my carpet. it is the night that i called 911. that i called jeff, on a business trip in LA. the night that i rode in an ambulance with three firefighters/paramedics and called my mom to tell her what happened. the night that a police officer stayed at my house with my three other children, finished making the spaghetti and waited for my mother and father in law to take over. the night i thought i might die while i waited for them to tell me something. that i learned how hard you could cry. and how little you could care about anything else. the night jeff drove from LA to get to us at the hospital. the night i saw so many things in her, in myself, in jeff, in our families, in doctors and nurses. feb 9th 2005 is the night that changed our life.
this last year has been hell. stressful. sad. a struggle to get through. we have seen our lowest lows. our children have seen us reach our lowest lows. have seen me emotionally wrecked. for a short time, we didnt know if mckenna would live. and when i say short time, i mean the actual days spanned about six or seven. but in my heart, that time will be forever imprinted as an eternity. the things i have seen will never be forgotten. the things she has gone through will never be forgotten. there are vivid pictures in my head of that night. vivid pictures that when they hit me, are like an electric shock. they run from my brain down my back to my stomach. and hit me, hard. i have to shake my head, shake it off. i still cant believe it happened to her, and to me. there are burn marks on our carpet that are covered up by a rug. there are scars on her body that are healing, but so evident and such a reminder that life is fragile and sacred. there are scars in all of us, jeff, drew, nathan, anna, and myself.
but time heals.
on that night, one year ago….with the rest of our journey spanning before me, seemingly endless, i never could have imagined where we would be now.
her birthday was sunday. she is ten. last year, she had just come out of surgery and we celebrated her birthday in a hospital room. her, barely cognizant of what was happening. me, barely holding on for dear life as my parents brought the other kids to see us. as i watched my oldest, my baby girl, in so much pain. as we sang happy birthday and gave her gifts that really didnt mean anything at all.
over the course of six weeks, the hospital became our home. six weeks sounds so short when you type it out, or say it out loud. but when your entire life is on pause, when your entire life becomes the inner workings of a burn unit, when your entire life is held hostage by a tragedy, you are never the same.
i wanted to post this here, because this is where i came when i needed to express my pain. my fear. my joy as she got better. and this is the place where i got so much in return. so many of you helped to hold me up as i went through that time. and i just want to say thank you.
thank you so much. i could never express it enough.
Tara, Thank you. Like so many others, I started reading your blog about a year ago. I echo what they’ve said about being able to relate so easily to many things you’ve written and having a deep appreciation to you for putting it out there. I think it makes us (women, moms, daughters, etc.) all feel a little less alone in our daily struggles…and triumphs. Happy Birthday to McKenna and best wishes to your whole family as you continue to heal!
She looks amazing! So happy and full of life. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s these moments in life that seem unbearable to go thru that ultimately strengthen our lives. God Bless your family.
Thank you so much for writing this. I have tears in my eyes. You’ve reminded me of a mother’s strength and what a treasure my children are.
After all the pain of the last year, it’s so wonderful to see McKenna’s face radiate joy in her birthday picture. I wish her health and peace and lots of happiness!
Thank you, Tara, for sharing this with us. Thank you for sharing your pain and sadness, your happiness and strength; your doubts and fears; your healing; McKenna’s healing; and the inbetween days over the past year. What a contrast in pictures – and what a strong baby girl you have!
And … best of all …
Happy Birthday McKenna!!!
As I read your post today and remembered all your posts from last year, I got tears in my eyes for you. You all have been through so much. What a huge blessing that McKenna came through it all OK and is another year older. Happy Birthday to your precious girl. Thanks for sharing something so personal today. I’m sure it’s hard when you start to think about the accident and relive everything again in your mind, but all you have to do is look at your girl and know that you are blessed. :) Prayers for you today. May God bless you and yours and keep you safe and sound.
Kris :)
I admire you. While you may feel weak at times, your strength really shines through.
happy 10th birthday dear mckenna!
t, i hope 2006 is a GREAT year for your familY! you deserve it! you truly are a very strong individual whom i admire. coming here to read your blog is a gift in itself. just stay real, the way you are and always have been, that is thank you enough. stay strong.
your baby girl looks SO happy in that photo!!!
tara
What pure joy to see her smiling face this birthday – she will heal Tara, and so will the rest of you. That is what is amazing about the human body and more importantly, the heart :)
Hugs to you.
Lisa
Happy birthday McKenna….time will heal and you are a beautiful little girl. One day you might see that something positive came out of such a bad thing that happened to you.
I have been where you are and now I am older I see the good and best bits….it still has it bad times but the love you can see your family feels for you will always make life a little easier….god bless
xx
Happy Birthday McKenna!!!!!
Tara, Thank you for sharing your story with us. You have touched our hearts in so many ways over the last year.
Tara,
You are such an inspiration to me. Your post today brought tears to my eyes…
Happy Birthday to McKenna!
May you all continue to enjoy each other and heal together :)
Happy Birthday McKenna- you look so radiant, happy and beautiful sitting there with your birthday cake.
Tara, big hugs to you. You are stronger than you ever could have imagined yourself being. You are one awesome chick!
You are an amazing women! Prayers for continued healing…and happy birthday McKenna!!
Happy Birthday to McKenna! What a precious photo of her with all those candles! So sweet!
I really admire you and your whole family for the strength you all possess. I can only imagine how difficult the past year has been. But I’m so happy for how great it has all turned out. That beautiful smile on McKenna’s face is proof of all the love that surrounds her and of how far she’s come. May you all continue to heal each day!
Thanks, Tara, for sharing this whole experience with us….
Happy B-day to Miss McKenna.
xoxo
Happy Birthday to McKenna, and may your family continue to heal. Your entry today is powerful – I had never really known the details of what had happened, but knew that you were an amazing person and mother.
I came across your blog a few months ago, and until today, I never knew what had happened a year ago. I have seen pictures of your lovely children, never knowing that something like that affected your lives.
You are truly an amazing woman ~ you are talented, busy, and not to mention, THE MOTHER OF FOUR! Yet, you continue to manage it all. And in your postings, I am able to see how much you love and care for your children!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MCKENNA! Hope you had a wonderful day!
As I sit here and write this – tears are streaming down my face. I’m so sorry for all you and your family went through…..As I think about all of the times I’ve left my stove on and unattended with my two boys running crazy through the house. My youngest, Leland 5, would be the sweet one to think he could help me out with dinner. I’ll think twice now as I walk out of the kitchen. Life is so fragile. My oldest, now 6, put his hand on the exhaust of my car when he was about a year and a half years old and I was pre-occupied getting his baby brother out of his carseat – He burned his hand really bad – it was awful, but nothing like what you experienced. They just move so fast!
Happy birthday to McKenna!
Wow tara, what an emotional post, i read your blog daily, along with so many others, but thsi has touched such a nerve, as we experienced our first fire too, on 23/12 in a new house!! My little girl, 5, decided to clear oiut our woodburner for Santa, the rest as they say is history, we, thankfully were safe, and i did not have to go through anywhere near the terror and heartbreak you went through
Happy Birthday MCKenna, and my hearts and prayers go out to all your family, you are 1 year on, and stronger, and MCkenna is a beautiful child who is still with you
god bless
anna xxxx
i never believe it when people write that something moved them so much to make them cry until it happened to me just now.
Lord of love, what have you all been through?
HB Mckenna and keep on smiling darloing!
Amazing how life can change in a matter of seconds. I am so sorry that this happened to McKenna and to your whole family. And a very special Happy Birthday to your McKenna – may your day be filled with much love and special people. Blessings!
Tara… I admire your strength. Hugs to you on this day… and for living victoriously over the last year. My heart is with you.
God Bless,
Karen.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this. It just serves as a reminder to me to watch my kids better. E-mail often lures me away while my daughters are playing together downstairs. Thank you.
Tara… it was just about this time a year ago when I discovered your blog. And, discovered more than the blog of one of my “scrapping idols”… no, I found an incredible lady. A mom. Hurt. Sad. Worried. Honest. Real. Your words then and your words now have impacted me more than your wonderful photography and scrapbook design ever could. I have nothing but incredible awe and respect for you and your family and can only wish you love and happiness and joy… and a super-duper Happy Birthday to Miss McKenna! :)
blessblessbless Tara – continued healing and love to you guys.
courageous without intention – that’s what I think of when I pull up {t} on my favs. I loved reading your blog during McKenna’s and your family’s healing process and was sad but understood when you changed it to a photo blog – you have touched and soothed hearts…McKenna is a gift and I thank you for sharing her and your story.
Oh Happy birthday to McKenna and to your whole family. I never knew what had happened. And wow you wrote about it beautifully. I can’t imagne and I am so glad that she is better. You are strong. And even though it was hard, I am sure you and your family are better because of it. Not inspite of it.
Thanks for sharing you grief and love.
WOW! Thanks for sharing such a personal story. What a horrible horrible situation to experience. I am a new reader of yours, so this was all new to me. Tears streamed down my face reading your entry. I am so elated for you and your family that everything turn out ok.
I am glad that her birthday was much much better this year.
My daughter shares the same birthday as McKenna. Thank you for telling this story. I have learned from it…that I need to get off this computer and go spend time with her and my son because we don’t know how much time we have left with them…that time heals and God forgives…the world is full of good and gracious people…and miracles do happen. PEACE
Thank you for bringing this full circle. I know I was just one of many who was deeply moved by your experience. Peace to you and yours.
when you changed your blog a few months back to focus on your professional life instead of your personal, i was really kind of sad. i love your writing, and i know this sounds weird because i don’t know you, i also love your kids! i love hearing about their lives. mckenna just seems like such an extraordinary child, and what a fantastic mom she has been blessed with. thanks for sharing this update.
Wow! I started crying as I read down your page and was filled with thankfullness. But I too know what it is like when they tell you they don’t know if your child is going to be okay. My daughter has gone through very complex metabolic testing this past year and we were told at one point she may have something that will shorten her life. It is heartbreaking as a parent and seems unbareable at times. God pulled us through it and gave us an incredible new outlook on life. I want to thank you for putting your story on your blog for everyone to read. It must not have been easy. I pray God’s healing upon your family!
Your family continues to be in my prayers. May God continue to shine his blessing upon everyone.
Happy birthday, sweet McKenna! I remember a year ago reading the post about the accident on 2Peas – I prayed for you then, and I pray for you now, for the healing to continue.
My prayers and thoughts have been with you this year and I cannot believe what a difference time can make. God Bless you and I feel so blessed to have been able to “share” this, in some way, people from all over have been so touched by your family, your words, your pictures, and are able to look at their own lives with so many “traumas” big or small, and in much different ways, and give thanks that somehow we get through it. Happy birthday Mckenna and what a wonderful family you have. God Bless.
and almost one year ago I found your blog…it inspired me to start my own to help work though my own family issues.
Your blog was truely what helped me get through a very tough year, one in which we lost our son to cancer. I love how you could pour out your feelings in words. Sometimes I just let my tears flow by reading your words, others I would write my own in my blog. I was sad when you changed your blog recently, but I still check in here, just in case :-)
Hugs and huge thanks for that…and happy birthday to mckenna !!!!
((HUGS)) to you. and to dear McKenna. She’s an amazingly resilient little girl. You too!
i think you are an amazing and strong family. happy happy birthday mckenna, i am so so happy to see that magical birthday picture, i can’t wait to see you guys!! xox
Tara, you have been such an inspiration with strength and devotion. God Bless you and your family!
THANK YOU for sharing your story with us.
I can only imagine how difficult of a year you’ve had, and am so very happy to see you guys heal. And grow.
And, of course, a very Happy Birthday to Miss McKenna! You look positively radiant.
:)
thank you for letting us go through this last year with you..you have an amazing family & you are an amazing woman…inspiring…thanks for the tears & the reminder of a very important year mark…you & your family have made a little print on all of us who read your blog…thank you…
Tara, it was at this time last year that I discovered your blog. I cried almost every day reading about the struggle you and your family were going through. I marveled at how strong you were through it all, and I was so impressed with the strenth and support your friends and family were able to provide you in your time of crisis. I truly believe that in every day there is a lesson to be learned, and that even in our worst moments there is a blessing waiting to be discovered. It is not always easy to look at things in the moment and see that but I find that when we are able to look back and remember, it is then we will see the silver lining.
I think that you are an amazing person, a wonderful photographer, and a loving mother. Life is short and every moment, no matter how small or insigniificant it seems, matters. Life is precious and should always be treasured. I think you and your family are a daily reminder of that and I believe you are all so lucky to have each other.
Happy 10th Birthday to McKenna!! She looks beautiful in that photo! Ü Blessing to you all in the coming year!
Trina Ü
very brave of you to recount it as you did
SO glad mckenna is doing well
Thank you for sharing. You have an amazing way of expressing your thoughts and feelings into words. Your family has a very special gift…each other! Bless you all and HAPPY BIRTHDAY MCKENNA!
bless you. bless you all.
Tara, I’ve read your blog faithfully for some time now, initially to see your wonderful work and photography but then because I found you to be such an amazing mother–so real, so honest, so loving. I too went through a terrible scare with one of my little ones (nothering like McKenna’s battle, but scary for us none the less). I’ve never commented before but I just had to say that I think you’re an amazing mother and wish you the best for the “new” year. Happy Birthday to McKenna!
Your words are incredibly powerful. As a mother I can hear the pain in them. As a mother my stomach is in a knot just imagining the agony you, your family, and especially McKenna went through. Your strength is so very admirable. Thank you for sharing this with us.
First, I would love to wish Mckenna a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Then, I would like to say that it was about a year ago that I discovered your blog, Tara and I am so thankful that while I do not know you, that you were able to share all of that with the world. I think you are so strong and generous in so many ways!
It is amazing to stop and realize how many things change in just 365 days!
Thanks for sharing, you and your family are still in my prayers!
Have a wonderful evening!
Courtney
i can’t even begin to imagine what you guys all went through. such a heartbreakingly horrific accident. I’m so glad that you are all here today, to celebrate this beautiful girl and everything she is.
Tara,
I’m crying right along with you, sweetie. I just want to hug you and Mckenna. Noone should have to go through something like this! I’m so, so glad that beautiful little girl is here and happy and had another birthday party! From the bottom of my heart…I pray that God watches over you and your family always!
Tina J.
Tara-
I followed along with McKenna’s ordeal a year ago. My daughter & I prayed for her every night and looked forward to finding updates posted about her condition. Your post today brought tears of joy to my eyes. I am so happy and thankful that everything is going to be okay. Wow. It will all be okay.
I know that your lives have been changed by the events that took place last year. I cannot imagine what you guys have been through. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Never-ever. I was burned (under similar circimstances) when I was little. I just know that my Dad (my Mom wasn’t at home at the time) went through every single emotion that you experienced that day. I was too little to remember what happened, but I have been told the story a hundred times.
I hope that you continue to let us in on your lives…I feel like I know each of you so well & yet we have never exchanged words. We will continue to pray for McKenna and the rest of your family.
Happy Birthday, beautiful McKenna! We wish you the same things you give…joy and love and happiness. :)
-Amber (& Kaylie)