since mckenna was in the hospital.
february 9th is the night she was burned, one year ago. february 9th is the night that i put a pot on the stove to boil, sat the kids on the couch in their jammies to watch "a bugs life" and ran upstairs to check my email. feb 9th is the night that mckenna decided to put the noodles in the pot, got too close to the stove, and caught fire to her over sized veggie tales pajama shirt. february 9th is the night i heard her scream, heard her scream in a way that i had never heard anyone scream, ran to the top of the stairs, and saw her on fire. it is the night that i ran downstairs, ran down a too long flight of stairs, screaming myself, the other three kids running to see what was happening, and picked her up and put her out on my carpet. it is the night that i called 911. that i called jeff, on a business trip in LA. the night that i rode in an ambulance with three firefighters/paramedics and called my mom to tell her what happened. the night that a police officer stayed at my house with my three other children, finished making the spaghetti and waited for my mother and father in law to take over. the night i thought i might die while i waited for them to tell me something. that i learned how hard you could cry. and how little you could care about anything else. the night jeff drove from LA to get to us at the hospital. the night i saw so many things in her, in myself, in jeff, in our families, in doctors and nurses. feb 9th 2005 is the night that changed our life.
this last year has been hell. stressful. sad. a struggle to get through. we have seen our lowest lows. our children have seen us reach our lowest lows. have seen me emotionally wrecked. for a short time, we didnt know if mckenna would live. and when i say short time, i mean the actual days spanned about six or seven. but in my heart, that time will be forever imprinted as an eternity. the things i have seen will never be forgotten. the things she has gone through will never be forgotten. there are vivid pictures in my head of that night. vivid pictures that when they hit me, are like an electric shock. they run from my brain down my back to my stomach. and hit me, hard. i have to shake my head, shake it off. i still cant believe it happened to her, and to me. there are burn marks on our carpet that are covered up by a rug. there are scars on her body that are healing, but so evident and such a reminder that life is fragile and sacred. there are scars in all of us, jeff, drew, nathan, anna, and myself.
but time heals.
on that night, one year ago….with the rest of our journey spanning before me, seemingly endless, i never could have imagined where we would be now.
her birthday was sunday. she is ten. last year, she had just come out of surgery and we celebrated her birthday in a hospital room. her, barely cognizant of what was happening. me, barely holding on for dear life as my parents brought the other kids to see us. as i watched my oldest, my baby girl, in so much pain. as we sang happy birthday and gave her gifts that really didnt mean anything at all.
over the course of six weeks, the hospital became our home. six weeks sounds so short when you type it out, or say it out loud. but when your entire life is on pause, when your entire life becomes the inner workings of a burn unit, when your entire life is held hostage by a tragedy, you are never the same.
i wanted to post this here, because this is where i came when i needed to express my pain. my fear. my joy as she got better. and this is the place where i got so much in return. so many of you helped to hold me up as i went through that time. and i just want to say thank you.
thank you so much. i could never express it enough.
Happy birthday, McKenna, and happy healing for everyone.
Happy Birthday to McKenna. I am sure that this birthday means so much more to all of you. I am so happy that you all have made it through the lowest of the lows and come back happy, strong and healthy. I am glad that you are all together, that this horrible accident didn’t rip your family apart. Happy birthday to the entire Whitney family.
one year ago was right about the time, i discovered you and your blog. you see, i was going through my own kind of family crisis and really needed to lose myself in this new thing called blogging. i have read your blog faithfully since that first day. i am in awe of your easy writing style and your ability to just be you. the good the bad and the ugly. please don’t get jaded and become someone you are not. you are the real deal, pure tara. we have never met and who knows if we ever will, but you have touched my heart and soul many times, you have made me laugh and cry, see simliarities in our lives and sometimes inspired me to go on. for all of that, i thank you.you just keep on keepin on!
i have seen you use your scrapbooking as a cathartic vehicle to work thru your stuff. i have been inspired to do the same. thanks for that.
you rock!
ann
wow. i never really knew the whole story of what happened. I’m all choked up. What an amazing, strong fighter you have in her. Happy 10th birthday, McKenna <3
As I read this I am amazed. Amazed at the stregnth you and each person in your family has. Amazed at the awesome stregnth McKenna has. What a difficult year you had, but at the very same time what an amazing year you had. Happy birthday dear McKenna!
I found your blog a little after all this began for your family a year ago. Time is so different after something huge like this occurs…everything that was once familiar isn’t, but the new stuff that happens (like that great, big b-day girl smile) can be terrific too.
Happy B-day, McKenna! *\0/*
Thank you for sharing that with all of us. Thank you for letting all of us help you heal. Those kids sure are lucky to have such a awesome mommy. Happy Birthday to McKenna!! Sending love and light your way!! Hugs!!!!!
your story choked me up too, you really are an inspiration to me, strong and an amazing love for your family, here’s to a new year of good things for your family, happy birthday to mckenna, she looks so happy!
karen lee
BIG BIRTHDAY HUGS…
and big hugs to you, Tara, for coming so far in such sort a time. I wish you and your family continued healing, continued growing, continued understanding, continued joy, and continued love. Though it seems to me you will all be just fine. A strong family full of fight and fun.
Best wishes,
Rachel
i am sure that over the course of the day, many will comment and tell you how much they needed to read this post. but i must chime in and say ‘thank you’ for putting things into perspective for me. my blog entry today is sending people straight over here…to put things into the proper perspective as well.
you are a great strength, tara. even when you feel you are not.
thank you so much for sharing your heart.
g
i love you babe. you know it.
wow! thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts tara. very vivid memories of such a trying time. i love you and your family and i am so grateful that mckenna is still with us. love ya
Happy birthday McKenna!
I want to tell you something: my fiance, Garrett, had something almost like this happen to him when he was six. It involved an old-fashioned coffee maker that accidentally got knocked from the kitchen counter by his mom. It fell into his lap.
Well — you can imagine how horrible that was. But the thing I want to talk to you about is this: Garrett survived what happened to him. It was painful and took a long time, but eventually, he made it. He grew up, went to school, and did all of the normal things that people do.
He is also one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Because he has known great pain and suffering, I think it helps him to be open and kind to everyone around him. He has used the tragedy that happened to him to help him become a better man.
One day, when you are not in pain and the scars have faded, I’m sure that you, too, will think about all that has happened in the last year. I just wanted you to hear a story about how someone else had an experience like yours , survived it, and went on to live a good life.
I wish you the happiest of birthdays and am SO glad that you are still here with us! Enjoy your day — we’ll be thinking of you.
p.s. mckenna looks sooooooo grown up in the pic of her with the candles. love her bright eyes and sweet smile.
you are amazin’. amazin’ woman. amazin’ mama. my words all seem very lame right now. but you are so strong and so incredible.
Happy Birthday McKenna!!!
Tara…my heart still aches to this day as I read your words and think about what that must have been like for you and McKenna and your entire family. I could only hope that I would be as strong as you if anything like that ever happened to me. This past year has been so up and down for you but I am happy to see that things are getting so much better each day. With McKenna’s healing, with your own healing too. Things take time. Sometimes the worst things bring us the best endings. I know that her accident was a horrible thing that NO ONE would ever want to go through…but through the pain and worry and tears…you have gained so much. Your whole family has. And that is a beautiful thing. Embrace it…
Best of luck to you guys. And Happy Birthday McKenna!
:)
Hugs to you and your family.
Happy Birthday to sweet McKenna.
One day at a time.
Love McKenna’s sweet smile!
Wow, I never knew the whole story and although I knew how things ended, I was still on the edge of my seat as I read thru your account of it all. Every mama’s nightmare.
You are an amazing mom and you have a beautiful family. Thank you for posting on here, I really enjoy “getting to know you” thru your blog.
OMG…This brings so many tears to my eyes. I remember.. I remember seeing the pictures, reading the messages and feeling not all (because I know that your pain is unmentionablbe)but alot of your pain.. I am so happy this is all behind. You and your family will all heal, you will see.
Happy Birthday McKenna, May God Bless you!! You are My Hero…Elsa
Happy Birthday to your beautiful little sweetie! You are an amazing courageous mother. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Blessings to you and your family. God brings strength you did not know existed. Your little girl is truly amazing. So are you.
Jen
Happy birthday to McKenna! God Bless your family, I cannot begin to imagine your ordeal for your whole family, but through twopeas and your blog I feel like you’ve shared so much of your life, and your family with us and I just wanted to say thank you for that!
Awww t, I knew this was the time of year that it happened and had thought of emailing you to see how you were doing because I know how hard that first year is, but I’ve been caught up in my self and my life.
I was drawn into your story last year just after it happened and I was hooked through your writing style and the words of courage you seemed to show with a mix of vulnerability and pain. Mostly because I received 2nd and 3rd degree burns several years ago after a gardening accident and could just relate to the pain and the agony and the what ifs. Burns are hard to understand and know until you live through it.
You have shown such love and courage toward McKenna and the rest of your family. I know it’s been a rough year for you, but I promise that it gets better. You will heal, McKenna will heal, and everybody will heal. The scars and memories will always be there but they do fade with time.
Happy Birthday to McKenna. She looks so marvelous in her Birthday glow.
Tara–I met you a few years ago at a pea crop in AZ–I have always loved your work–scrapping and photography. Your journaling is what inspires me the most though–just incredible. Glad that you and your sweet family are healing.
Wow…I have been reading your blog for a hilwe, but didn;t know what happened. Thanks for sharing. It’s amazing how easy it is to take our kids for granted and then hearing a story like yours just makes me so much more appreciative! Thanks again for sharing…and Happy Birthday McKenna!!!!!!!
Melinda M
Happy Birthday sweet McKenna! Thank you for sharing your words with us, Tara. My heart
broke when I read your words. I am so glad that all of that is behind you all and now you can move on to brighter days. You are so amazing! Your family is beautiful and I wish you all healing, joy, laughs and lots of love.
Happy Birthday to McKenna! :)
As someone who’s been so close to losing her own, albeit for very different reasons, I understand just a little bit of what you’re going through. You’ve lived a thousand lifetimes in a short year. Hang in there!
Not only are you a fabulous photographer, but you express a mother’s horror with amazing detail.
Next month will be a year since my 8 year old was diagnosed with diabetes. Though a different situation, he has emotional scars that we are still trying to deal with. The doctors gave us little hope in his surviving, but he is thankfully still with us.
I admire the strength that you had to actually photograph your daughter in the hospital. I couldn’t do it for my son. It took 2 days before he even recognized me again. I wish I had at least one photo while he was in the hospital. Though I’m still traumatized by that event also, a photo would forever remain to always remind us of what almost happened and to be thankful for small miracles.
Hugs to you and McKenna for all that you have survived.
Izzy
Tara, I frequent your blog and i love it and I just had to say your entry today had tears streaming down my face (my eyes are still wet!) Thank you for your sharing your heart with us and for reminding me of what is important in my life. Praise God for keeping little McKenna alive.
Tara, I’ve missed your writing. I remember a year ago when it was announced that McKenna had been seriously injured. I cannot imagine what you must have gone through that night and the days and weeks and minutes that followed. I prayed for you all then and I’ll do so now. Take care.
As I was reading your message, a part of me was thinking it seemed like so long ago that Mckenna was burned – but really it wasn’t. Just one year and look at how far you all have come. Look at how much you have endured and grown and gained. Time is a healer. I love that saying and I love how life works itself out like that. You get these moments that are so painful and you dig in and you find out so much about yourself and your world. It’s intense and reeked with doubt and hurt. You are pushed to the wall – pushed to your breaking point. And just when you think you can’t take any more, it relaxes. Things settle back into place without you even realizing it. You learn… you grow… you laugh and smile again. But you’re right; the scars never fully go away. A little part of it will always be there. Maybe it’s to remind you of how far you’ve come; to be grateful. Maybe it’s about the wisdom you gained; the lessons you’ve learned. Maybe it’s to touch someone else with what you’ve been through; to empathize with others and not judge. I don’t’ know the answers, but I find it all fascinating and mysterious. It makes me think there is so much “out there” that we don’t know. A masterful plan at work.
Peace and hugs to you, bud. I love you.
And Happy Birthday to Mckenna! Woooo hooooo! She looks positively joyful in that pic.
usualy when i read or hear a story like this i become emotionl at the thought of this happening to one of my own children but this time i cried and i’m still crying at the thought of this happening to mckenna a girl that i love so much a girl who speaks with such an unexpectidly sweet high pitched voice and has a lot to say when she has something on her mind. i cry for you and your three children who had to witness this and for jeff getting such an awful and unexpected phone call, he must have felt a million miles away. i love you guys and i cry for all that you have suffered and am so happy for where you are now.
depth, perspective, courage and love – thank you tara for sharing your thoughts with us today! whether you realize it or not, you have made an impression on me today – thanks for making it real! huge hugs to you and your family!
I know you cried harder writing this than I did reading it, but your detailed writing went straight to my heart. You show immense strength just to share this with others. God Bless you and your family. I feel like I have come to know you just by reading your blog and I just ache for what you have gone through. Thanks for sharing with us. You are an inspiration.
you wrote that so beautifully…i have goosebumps…i can’t imagine going through all you have…you are an amazing woman…thanks for sharing yourself with all of us…love~jill
Tara…you have really opened my eyes…so wide at something you feel is so quick…can change your life forever. I can’t not imagine the pictures you have in your head from that tragic night and wish I could hit rewind or erase for you all. You are all so brave and are in my thoughts..thank you for sharing and than you for what you do every day!
Tara,
I only know about you & your family through the work (photog, art) I have seen & have always admired the way your love for your family comes across.
Here’s hoping 2006 is a year filled with too many happy moments to count. God Bless your family.
Signing off now to go give my two youngest kids big hugs. (My oldest child is going to get one heck of a welcome home from school today as well.)
Thanks for sharing your story & making us remember what really matters.
Jenny
Thank you for sharing this painful journey with us. For me it is a perspective maker for today. Today my car is in the shop, my son and I got locked out of our house, it’s extremely cold here, my husband is 1,000 miles away on a trip and I was having a pity party. What a reminder of what is real and what is precious. I am going to hug my son and realize that today’s stuff is incovenient, yes, but a big deal? No…..and by the way, I’m grateful he’s alive because he’s a survivor too, of open heart surgery when he was 8 months old….16 now and doing well. Bless you and your family and I am so grateful that your darling daughter is doing well and having a good birthday! Happy Birthday to you McKenna!!
Love you guys, so much, T.
wow Tara,I am reading this while at work & have tears streaming down my face… I never knew the whole story, what a thing for your whole family to go through- McKenna sure does look happy in her birthday picture!! :) I am sure she had a wonderful birthday – Hugs to you….
Happy Birthday McKenna – and may all your deepest wishes come true. Tara, your family is absolutely amazing and I so thankful for your talent and influence.
My thoughts and prayers – many blessings to you,
Alicia
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Mckenna
and God bless your family, too!
Happy Birthday, McKenna! And many more to come.
Tara…you are an inspiration to us all!
I too stumbled onto your blog just about this time last year and remember reading about that horrible night and sweet Mckenna. The joy is that all of you have triumphed, alittle bruised in the process but stronger on the other side. I have cried with you, laughed with you, thanks for sharing. YOU ARE and amazing Mom, wife, friend, undeniably talented. You are so blessed as is your family to have you and people to call you their friend.
Happy Birthday McKenna!
What a difference a year makes. Love her birthday picture!! Have a great day!
amazing, tara. you are amazing. your gift in writing. your strength to overcome. your ability to touch so many by being genuinely you. i am different for knowing you. thanks for it all!
God bless you all Tara…….
Happy Birthday McKenna!
Tara, as a Mommy who too has seen and witnessed a horrible trauma with her own child I do understand. I almost lost my daughter a few years ago and we still today carry an armor of sorts around her and us to protect her..to keep her safe..to keep it from never happening again. I wish then I would have had more people to share it with but please know that many of us out here do completely understand it. Although it is never completely gone..I hope what my family went through and what you and your family went through somehow someway helps us grow and learn and became better people. There is so much to be thankful for! That I am sure of! Thanks as always for sharing!
And a very Happy Birthday to McKenna!
Happy Birthday to sweet McKenna…she is positively radiant in that photo.
T, you are one of the strongest people I know. Even if you don’t think you are. Strength is in persevering…and you’ve done that, through it all. You and your beautiful family.
((HUGS)) to you. Thinking of you.
Awww, T . . . you know how much I love you, don’t you? I’ve always felt connected to you — but I realize that the way you share yourself with us makes ALL of your loyal readers and friends feel connected. You truly have a way with words, and I thank you for sharing your gift with us all. You are stronger than you will ever realize, and you and McK are both heros in my eyes. Sending gentle hugs to all of you today.