February 2011 : Vail, Colorado with Jalayne, Justin, and Jax.

There were so many wonderful firsts on this trip. My first time seeing falling snow and waking up to the world blanketed in white. MY FIRST TIME. It was magic. MAGIC! Our first time to Colorado. First time ice skating. (Or trying to, in my case.) First time skiing. First time in a jacuzzi in the snow. First time tubing in a blizzard. First time driving on ice. First time feeling the biting cold on my cheeks. First time vacationing with the Ladd family, but hopefully not the last.

We were able to go on this vacation knowing that Mckenna was safe at home with Grandma. Our initial plans had included her, but as the departure time got closer we realized just how difficult a trip like this would be for her. Jeff’s mom offered to keep her for us, and we are so very grateful for that help and support.

It is very, very painful for me to separate my family. I have always believed in the notion of ‘ohana – a Hawaiian term for family bound together. (“Nobody gets left behind.” – Lilo & Stitch.) But as my children age and the dynamics of our family change, I am seeing that it is important for us to separate from Mckenna at times. For her, and for us. She would have hated the cold, hated the unfamiliar, hated everything about it. She would have been miserable, and it would have made all of us miserable, and stressed. Instead, she was happy, and we were able to vacation the way we wanted to, without the sacrifices and limitations of caring for her, if only for a week.

My heart was in two places on this trip.

And it still kind of is.

xo Tara