Right now I am on the verge of something.
For a long time now – through 2009, 2010, and now into 2011 – I have been working toward change. I have gone through so much and have grown up along the way. It has taken tremendous thought – buckets of tears – endless late night talks – and weekly therapy – to get to where I am right now. I have changed my relationships, my attitudes about life, and really feel like I have found myself in the middle of it all.
So now here I am. What do I do with all of this new knowledge?
This spot is rough. Because I am scared.
I feel like there are two of me, fighting against each other. One Tara is trying to keep things the way they were – afraid to go for it and DO SOMETHING NEW. Afraid for things to change. Afraid to succeed. Afraid to fail. Afraid of being out of control, not knowing what is around the bend. The other Tara is suffocated by the choices she desperately wants to quit making, yet stronger, more sure of herself, more grown up. This Tara loves the feeling of not knowing what is coming – feels alive when she embraces that feeling, and drops the anxiety. But she is still afraid to succeed, and afraid to fail.
I can kind of see what path I need to be traveling down. If I don’t take my next natural steps, the ones I know are mine to make, I will be failing myself.
I am sure of it.
And yet…
I feel like a tiny little yellow bird who is overlooking a big, luscious, green valley. It stretches away from me as far as my eyes can see. I am teeny tiny at the top. A speck. I have never flown across this valley. I have no idea how far it reaches, or if I will make it to the other side.
But I have to take the next step. I have to trust myself.
I have to get off the ground.
Tara
Take those steps! What a blessing to know that they are yours. Have courage and walk towards your fate!
Hey Tara,
Not sure if this is up your alley….but check out a group called Momenta http://www.momentaworkshops.com/ – its a group of photojournalists who match you up with an NGO in another country and you spend 2 weeks photographing for a humanitarian organization. You learn and you give at the same time. I’m traveling with them to South Africa in June. Thought this might be something of interest to you at this point in your life…..take care!
I feel sort of the same way. My life has been completely crazy for the past year and a half, I feel a strong urge to make a change but I am also…scared. Afraid of disappointment and failure, but i guess that is a part of life and there is always the possibility of NOT failing & NOT disappointing myself or others. Guess we both need to try and spread those wings, and fly!!
I LOVE your work. Very inspiring! Very fresh! You go girl! Please enter me on your blog to win a purse. Would love to have one. Keep up your great work.
LOVE LOVE LOVE the bag! Would LOVE it if you chose me to receive one :)
Tara – your words are always so meaningful, yet so simple. Thank you for sharing with all of us your ups and downs. I feel like I am a stronger person because of it. I look to your blog daily for inspiration, not only in photography, but in life. I am cheering you on sister :)
There is always fear in trying something new. But getting out of the safe bubble is good and the more you do something the less fear there is and eventually it becomes part of that safe bubble.
I love the Epiphanie bags! They’re great and I would love to have one! Thanks for offering such a great giveaway!
I’ve learned that change comes whether I want it to or not so may as well have as much say in the matter as you can! Go for it! Fly and let us know what you see and where you land! XOXO