Hi, stranger.
Prepare for a brain dump.
The last few weeks I have felt disconnected and uncomfortable with the internet and social media at large. I guess it started in Santa Barbara. I got a break and then I didn’t want to come back. It’s just all too easy. It’s too easy to get sucked in, caring about things I don’t need to be caring about. It’s too easy for me to avoid the things that are truly important to me with stupid time sucks. Which is kind of a problem, since a big part of my job is my participation in my blog and other online outlets. I need to have balance in order to have a successful business.
But I find myself spending too much time reading the words of a lot of people I don’t know, and some that I don’t actually even like. Because it’s so easy to do. Because there are things to procrastinate. Or there are people who I know that read them, and so I think I need to as well, in order to keep up. I mean, hey, I don’t want to miss out. WHAT IF I MISS SOMETHING REALLY GREAT?! Even great in it’s ability to irritate me or get me running to Jeff to tell him about this crazy thing I read online? It’s crazy town, completely bonkers, and I go through these phases every once in awhile where I actually see what I am doing and I cut it all out. I start thinning the herd. I delete people from my bookmarks, I streamline the amount of people I follow on twitter and facebook, I wonder what the hell I am even doing talking about my own life online.
So that’s the space I am in right now. Wondering what the hell I am doing here on this blog, and what the point of all of this even IS.
I am a photographer. My blog is my main source of getting my work out into the world, and hopefully getting people interested in it, and me. I want that part of my job to be honest and sincere though! I don’t want to manipulate people into liking me. So there is the biggest issue. In order to appeal to the masses, you have to be slightly bland, and definitely thoughtful about what you write, so as not to offend ANYONE. It’s fence sitting at it’s supreme. This feels manipulative to me. I hate it. I want the space to be free and be myself, no matter how ugly or offensive that might be. Yet, I know my husband, who works in a typical office environment works the same way. There are a few people he can really talk to. The rest get the surface stuff. This is what happens in a professional environment. It gets dicey with that statement, because I am unsure how “professional” I want to be. Professional sounds cold, but it also sounds smart.
I am also a writer. I have been my entire life. Beginning with punching out stories on my grandma’s typewriter in elementary school. My childhood goal was to be a young adult fiction writer. So there is a part of me that is still that girl. That still wants to write. The best writing is the writing that comes from a deep place. The kind that connects to another person’s deep place. That isn’t necessarily “professional”.
I am a mother. I love the aspect of sharing. When I was a young stay at home mom, my ONLY source of connection and understanding was through the friends that I had online. Since I could hardly make it out of the house, I depended on them to help me through the days. They were there on hard days and celebrated with me on good ones. They still are. I love the ability to share something in my life in order to connect to other people with the same problem/issue/obsession/etc. It has a way of opening life up and making it bigger, at the same time making the world seem smaller and more connected. When you share truth online, it gives people space to breathe, to know they aren’t alone. Ultimately it does the same for me.
I work from home. Social media is my lunch with coworkers. It is my smoke break. It is my 2pm meeting. Maybe I am taking too many breaks?
I am a current events/pop culture junkie. I absolutely LOVE knowing everything that is happening right this second, anywhere. When shit goes down anywhere in the world, @CNNBREAK let’s me know on Twitter. And if they don’t, someone else will. But maybe I don’t need all of that information in my head. Maybe my head is so full of it that it can’t remember to go deposit those checks at the bank or to force myself to get outside and exercise. I don’t know.
I was talking with a friend recently, a friend who isn’t online. ANYWHERE. If you googled her name it is quite possible the only hit would be this blog, because I wrote about her. It was interesting hearing her perspective. She is out in the world, man. She has real life, in person connections with people every day. Good and bad. We were laughing about social media – about how she just doesn’t care about what other people are doing. And she certainly wouldn’t make or have the time to comment on it. This was not said in a selfish way. It came across as perfectly normal. I mean, I have interactions and connections with people online everyday. Does having them online make them less real? Does it make hers more meaningful due to the simple fact they are in person? All of this made me think – why do *I* care? Do I care? Am I normal? Are we normal? All of us who are constantly checking our smart phones for updates? Are we going to regret all this screen time? Or is this just the way the world is now, and if we don’t keep up we will be the same as our parents who couldn’t understand how to work a VCR? Or how some of our parents still don’t know that you can google ANYTHING to find out what you need to know? If we step away from it all will we be lost?
What works for my friend wouldn’t work for me. I can see why she doesn’t need to be online. Why it doesn’t work for her. However, I am an introvert and I have a child who keeps me home a lot. I work from home. More than half of my job is spent at a computer. I have built relationships with people I have met online. Some of these relationships are my most cherished, and the longest friendships I have been lucky enough to have. I don’t want to stop giving to those friends or being a part of their daily lives.
The community I have built here on this blog is also very important to me. I want to give to you guys, too. I want you to know I appreciate the time you spend here, and I want to do better and better by you every day. Maybe some things need moving around. Maybe I need a work space and a personal space. Maybe I need to stop worrying about being bland and just mesh the two a little better.
Maybe I need to experiment with focusing outward a bit more. I want to use my screen time in a beneficial way, and not a compulsive one. I want it to work for me, with me – not against me. The people I look up to, the lives I see being lived that I want to live, don’t have a whole lot of internet time going on.
I don’t really know where I am going with this. But I’d like to say this: if you have noticed me being quieter online, cutting my friends lists, or having shorter blog posts, everything is okay. I am just working some shit out.
My job is attached to a computer.
I don’t want my life to be.
xo
Tara
Spend a little more time looking into the eyes of your loved ones
and less time into the screen of a digital/techno device. You
must live/love with no regrets!
I don’t comment here a lot, but love coming here and getting to know you and being inspired by your photography. This is exactly what I’m struggling with. I started blogging while struggling through infertility, then mothering twins. It gave me that community I needed, but didn’t have in real life. Now that I want to launch my photography career, live in a small town, and have “come out” with my real name on my blog — I’m so confused. I miss speaking my mind vs being authentic me. I’m hoping I can find a blend rather than split myself in 2 entities. I think who YOU are show in your work … so why be anyone else?
Hi
Delurking to give you a supportive shoulder squeeze. Judging by the amount of comments you have here you are certainly not alone in this dilemma. I too have cut back on a lot of my online time. A few years ago I got really sucked into a few forums and actually co-ran one with some friends. It was a lot of fun but became the sole focus of my life and I knew that I needed to make some changes. As a teacher (someone who should be a fine upstanding citizen- heh) I have felt the pressure of trying to maintain two different personas online and it’s so terribly tiring. My blog (showcasing the safe, boring me) has fewer posts, I am no longer on Facebook and I never dared open a Twitter account. Sometimes I do feel I’m missing out but mostly I’ve found I don’t miss it much. I read more, sew more and what time I do spend online is that much more valuable.I hope, anyway.;-P
I guess you just need to keep weeding/thinning until you find your happy medium.
Your photography has been a huge inspiration to me over years – do whatever you have to do to get back to what makes you happy and fulfilled in your job *and* your social life.
Amen Tara!! I’m a nobody and I feel at times I get caught up. I step away for awhile but get sucked back in. I wish I knew a happy balance between the 2..I wish you well and hope you find a balance…just continue to be you..amazingly human you!! I’ll still love ya!!
hey tara, it sure sounds like you are on to something… listen to your heart, trust it, you are such a deep person, i am sure it will lead you down a very healthy and happy road! xo
I can totally relate to this post. When I was a young mom, I found my alternative mom friends online. They kept me from feeling isolated, and made me feel normal (when co-sleeping, extended breast-feeding, wooden toy world) that was so different from the place I was actually living. In the cold, grayness of winter, they were always there too; good and bad. The relationships we formed are for sure real…that was almost 11 years ago and we are still friends. But I think it can be overdone. I am guilty of reading people’s blogs I don’t really even like.That doesn’t seem right, or something good to do with my time. I do love how you read. I have to say, I love your pictures, but I DO love your thought provoking, honest, posts. They bring me comfort. They make me want to come back. They make the time I spent reading them, worth it.So don’t give those up. I love photographer Tara, but I also love mom/writer Tara. And if those worlds can’t merge, than I say, yes, create two blogs. One that doesn’t have to be “professional” just honest :)
A-freakin’-men sista. I don’t keep up with a ton of blogs (yours is one of the few actually). But still I have a TON of screen time. I feel swallowed by it. I think the mental drain, not to mention the soul drain (if you know what i mean) of always being plugged in and “connected” (which ironically can actually mean less connected because sometimes, not meaning this about you – never my dear – but sometimes, i think the social media connections are so dang shallow and fluff without any real substance or soul. . . oops that was a tangent) but anyway, always being plugged in, not good for the soul I’m pretty sure yoda would say. And yet it’s so irresistible. I check my phone no less than 692 times per day. I’m sure quite more than that. Anyway, would love to hear more of your insights as you journey through this. You will find your balance – but the journey will of course be the most important part. xo
You are inspiring miss Tara. I come here often just to read your words, your thoughts. Everything about you is real, and that’s what I love most.
Keep it up.
-a
Thanks for sharing. I’ve been struggling with all this for a while too. I stopped using Facebook for a while, deleted lots of people and reduced the amount of info on my blog. I’m trying to reduce my amount of on-screen time but to be honest I think it’s my time out. I have a 9 year old with ASD and whilst she is a joy we also go through some tough times. Pinterest has become my latest addiction and I definitely spend way too much time on there! Just do what feels right to you and it will be enough. Take care xx
Hi Tara. I noticed awhile ago that your blog posts were getting fewer and quieter as you say, but I liked that b/c I felt you were getting away from your computer more and spending your time doing more of what you love – with family. All of this seemed to happen when you “outed” yourself in a way about becoming more fully who you feel you are as an individual. I liked reading that.
I am a photog too and stopped reading so many blogs about a year ago and have to say, I don’t miss it a bit. Yours, just happens to be one of the few I still read from time to time, but not every day the way I used to. I have so few people who read my blog, or at least who leave comments, and I always felt it was b/c I was too professional in my writings, unlike yourself who is open with your personal life, I wouldn’t go there. Too afraid it would make potential clients shy away to know my deepest, darkest experiences and feelings. And like you, I always wanted to be a writer. I remember sitting in my bedroom as a kid trying to write my first novel only to find it finished within 5 pages. Ha ha! And I just can’t seem to allow myself to write from my heart on my photo blog. Afraid of being so exposed to a bunch of strangers.
Anyway, this is the first time I have left a comment, but want you to know how relieved I was to read someone’s thoughts who mirrored my own.
Thanks for having the guts to share!
Well said Tara. My friend Trude and I have struggled with this, but at the end of the day… it’s your blog, your voice. And social media cleanses are a must these days! ;)
Ahhhhh, I LOVE this post, which inherently makes you want to spend more time writing great posts. But there was one GOLDEN statement you made that rung like a thousand bells in my mind. “The lives I see being lived, that I want to live, don’t have a whole lot of internet time going on.”
I couldn’t agree more!!!!!!!! Whether these people are in the full time service of their own family, or the families in desperate need around the world, the key is that they are in fulltime service of others. Not their brand, not their photography, not their twitter accounts, not even all their online friends. Sure, the internet can be a great tool for that, but let’s be realistic about how much time we are serving others. I am trying to reevaluate my time and it has been a long hard process for me. I still love photography, but I just can’t do my blog anymore, I have better things to do with my time than try to promote my business. So do you…. we all know you are a great photographer, we all know it! Go live your life that you are dreaming of….
Tara, I read your blog because I want to read about your reality, not candy covered bulls#it…so do what feels best, if you want to speak your mind, do it. :D
i can’t tell you how easy it would be for me to ditch social media all together. I have to share this though…I went WITHOUT a cell phone for 3 years. *recently..yes, with 4 children, ages 18-3…there was no need. I am lucky enough to be a poor stay at home mom and my kids can get a hold of me any darn time they want to. When i am out…guess what?? I don’t want to be hunted down! I don’t want to be bothered. My hubby has a cell..BUG HIM! :o) Tara, loved this post and completely understand the dilemma of need vs. addiction. lol btw….my son just got his first cell phone EVER…for his 18th birthday people. he is responsible enough to not do anything stupid on it and smart enough to know better. my girls will NOT be getting theirs until they need an “emergency only” phone when they drive. yep..call me old fashioned, but when i want to talk to you, I will call you up! though, i do like the everyday peeks into my families lives that I just wouldn’t get otherwise. <3
…again Tara thank you for being you. authentic. genuine. endearing you. xo
Tara, I think you have said it best of all in the past….Just Be You. Because that is why so many people who have never met you love to read your posts. You take beautiful photos but your beauty shines from within your person- in your words and your sincerity. All the best to you while you figure your shit out :)
An ex boyfriend found me on facebook and that day i broke up again with him and more importantly, facebook. Today, aside from work needs, i am rarely on the internet. I suppose i don’t know what i am missing. Life will send you a clear message about how to manage your personal screen time. I heard mine loud a clear! I would miss your postings though. Wishing you intuition and clear messages!
You are never bland! You are brave, inspirational, unique and a beautiful soul and that is what comes through on your blog. I hope you find your balance and I will be keep coming back here to hear your voice.
I read 2 blogs. Yours is one of them. This is why. You get it. Period. <3
“my job is attached to a computer, I don’t want my life to be”
Brilliant!!! Exactly what I needed to read to make myself take a step back & reprioritize some things!
Tara, I always read you blog. But I never comment. I never comment on anything!
I think your post makes me realise that I am a “taker” online. I don’t post, or comment, or “like” or GIVE.
And here you are, feeling lost and like the connections you make are real. And its because of people like me, not commenting. Comments like “You just GET it”, like “I love how real your photographs are”.
Your blog makes me look at life differently. That’s why I read it! I don’t want to read Tara Professional Schmancy Whitney’s blog. I want to read what you really think. So that I can think about stuff that I haven’t though about before.
So, LET ME HAVE IT! (and I’ll give you something back, from now on)
thank you for always being so honest.
I love that you are “real” Tara. NEVER EVER lose that. The world needs more people being real and living life than trying to make the masses happy. Those that truly love you will still be here…..those that dont….well; dont matter. those that leave nasty comments? well they just dont have a life. please never stop being real. you have an amazing heart girlie. XOXOXOXOX
Had a random thought today… “I’m really going to regret checking my email on my iPhone every 2 minutes when my family isn’t here anymore” Sadly, we all get sucked in…and clearly… due to the 34,837 comments on this post… we all feel the same way!!! maybe we should ALL work some shit out! And stop being so inundated with everyone elses life! One downfall to this business… is that we document more than we LIVE… and they are just not the same thing… I don’t want to be sucked into social media so much (are we trying to see where we rank among other photogs? what is the point anyway?)… OR documenting others lives… that I’m too busy to live my own… so yes… lets ALL WORK SOME SHIT OUT! :D I love you for that line… Can that be my tag line on my site? haha! It may be worth losing some “fans” if it means helping us get our lives back! PREACH. IT. SISTER.
You impress me non-stop Tara. Thank you for your frank nature and truthfulness, it is very refreshing… especially being a “sister south-county O.C. woman.” Get outside for you each day, away from the machines. I’m happy to meet you for 30 minute yoga if you like (& I’m not in shape by the way.) Keep loving yourself – there are so many others who do. C’est si bon <3
I’ve enjoyed your blog since your scrapbooking days, but totally agree that sometimes you have to put some things on hold to see how much, if at all, you really needed them to begin with.
For what it’s worth, I like people who are offensive. It doesn’t turn EVERYONE off.
omg, Tara, we’ve never met, but I admire your photography skills and so I check in here every now and then. (and we have mutual friends). I feel the same way!! I have a FB and Twitter, but hardly ever make a comment or tweet, it often feels so fake or un”friend”ly. My true friends, we chat on the phone or via email. I also find myself frantic at times to make sure I comment or check in with certain people as to not loose them in my crafty social circles, but really, as time goes by, my Google Reader gets smaller and smaller.
I totally understand what you are saying and it seems like the more I connect on-line, the less connected I feel. At the same time, the relationships I have with people through technology are real. Yeah…answers…I don’t have them. Reading the comments though – we are not alone in this itchy place.
I love your blog and often come to it to ‘catch up” on you beautiful photos on your awesome family and your ability to make me smile, laugh or cry. I am a avid reader since 2004 I don’t read it everyday but I read it every six months.
Keep writing I love to read it!
Milena
one word: blogging crisis. for those of us who blog, I think we’ve all suffered from it a time or two as we try to appease the masses. to help regain that perspective, I think a good question to ask yourself is, why am I blogging? what is the main intent, or purpose of this blog? is it to entertain everyone else, or is it for my own sake? it seems like so many blogs have turned into this huge “show” of sorts– like who can do the most crafts with their kids, etc, etc because hey! that means I’m a better mom than you. reading those types of blogs is like being force fed three cups of buttercream frosting. can you say GAG ME? I say blog about what you love, your passion, instead of focusing on pleasing others. and by all means, if you have a crummy day, let it out. it’s all about keeping it real.
feeling it too. had a long conversation about being anxious because of too much going on. yet here i sit at the computer. :( missed you this summer!
I think you are amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tara – you are so great at being “real” – keep it up. Your audience loves it (and you, of course!).
Hear, hear. I tend to go through trends too, blogging every day for a while and then sometimes only once a week. And I’m totally okay with that. I seize inspiration when it comes to me, and I try hard not to force it. The only reason I follow so much on Twitter and FB is because my day job is spent nearly full time at the computer, so I’m able to check in regularly. I noticed during my week off for moving I hardly checked in at all, and I make a concerted effort to take the weekends off. That seems to work really well for me. And I attack my feeds (both blogs and social media) every so often like I do cleaning out my closet – get rid of the junk! :) I’m also motivated by the pain I’ve started getting in my right arm – any more time with my hand on the mouse and I’m going to have serious issues!
Maybe consider turning off the comments?
DEAR TARA, I have followed you through my cousin’s blog and MUST say meeting you is part of my 5 year bucket list. Your are AMAZING and I LOVE your honesty!! Stay true to yourself! Not everyone’s going to like what to you say, that’s fine, and it is what makes the world a beautiful place. God bless you and your family. Can’t wait to someday be in Calif and meet you for pictures. Love from Montana!!! Nicole
Tara, I HEAR You!!!! I am right there with you too. I took a week off of my google reader and came back to 600 posts to read. That is insanity. Not to mention the 300+ e-mails a day. It is all a little crazy. I am going to e-mail you with a great resource I found, as good as or BETTER than Dr. Jenn, if that is even possible.
I understand what you are saying but I say just do whatever your heart feels at any given moment and don’t “think” about it….you are terrific; your photos and and your personality! I think one can live a full life out there and be online….in the olden days, SAHM’s were watching Soap Operas, now we are blog hopping!
Don’t stress… Just be……right? Of course everyone who reads your blog probably feels the same way because we are all online all the time, so we will all try to convince you that it is all normal! We are “normal” right? Sure we are! :)
I wanted to write young adult fiction, too. I wanted to be the next Judy Blume. :)
we don’t now eachother, I started out being an admirer of your photography, and now have become an admdirer of your “real”ness. your ability to write the way you feel, and the way I imagne you talk to a girlfriend. you will figure this out…it will happen the way it is supposed to. keep doing what you are doing…being quiet, looking less, and making things more meaningul…it will evolve on it’s own. you won’t have to make big decisions, the little changes will come and be right. I don’t use any social media either, there is no internet on my phone, but I do read some blogs, and I figured out a balance.
love, peace, and frienship to you…
Found you via ProPhoto’s home page (you’re featured!)…..I had to laugh reading your latest post. Not at you, but at myself for many of the similar thoughts. Keep up the good fight, Tara!
Barb
We all think too much. Compare ourselves, worry we aren’t doing what we are supposed to, and compete with others. We are also the ones who can change this, have control over it. ‘Thinning the herd’ is good, carthartic. Be you, just be.
Just a thought. For me, having a clear purpose helps me when I lose my mojo.
Since you would like to write more from your true heart, perhaps a special place for that kind of writing. You don’t have to tell everyone…invite only.
This place for photo biz, light family fare, long time blog relationships.
Or how about setting aside some time each week to work on your y.a. Fiction.
It’s going to work out.
Oh argh. Could’ve written this. Actually I *have* written this. Still don’t know where I am going with it. It is freaky to think we collectively consider it normal to have our family pictures on an international billboard. Especially freaky for someone who has lived more than half her life in pre-internet days. But what is a photography, or any art form, if it is never shared? Still, what is shared this way can be abused. I am grappling with all that too.
It’s amazing that so many of us are thinking the same thing. So well said Tara.
I was going to write a longer comment but am getting up from the computer now . . . all I will say is WORD.
Yes, your photos are breath-taking, but I read your blog because you are you. You are the real deal. Thank you.
oh crap… after reading this I REALLY want to be your friend. I want to bitch about life, salute the accomplishments and maybe even throw in a long walk on the beach…. bummer.
This is insanely well said, something obviously resinating with us all. Thanks for putting my thoughts into words.
p.s. if you do want to be my friend I wont be mad at ya