Right now I am on the verge of something.
For a long time now – through 2009, 2010, and now into 2011 – I have been working toward change. I have gone through so much and have grown up along the way. It has taken tremendous thought – buckets of tears – endless late night talks – and weekly therapy – to get to where I am right now. I have changed my relationships, my attitudes about life, and really feel like I have found myself in the middle of it all.
So now here I am. What do I do with all of this new knowledge?
This spot is rough. Because I am scared.
I feel like there are two of me, fighting against each other. One Tara is trying to keep things the way they were – afraid to go for it and DO SOMETHING NEW. Afraid for things to change. Afraid to succeed. Afraid to fail. Afraid of being out of control, not knowing what is around the bend. The other Tara is suffocated by the choices she desperately wants to quit making, yet stronger, more sure of herself, more grown up. This Tara loves the feeling of not knowing what is coming – feels alive when she embraces that feeling, and drops the anxiety. But she is still afraid to succeed, and afraid to fail.
I can kind of see what path I need to be traveling down. If I don’t take my next natural steps, the ones I know are mine to make, I will be failing myself.
I am sure of it.
And yet…
I feel like a tiny little yellow bird who is overlooking a big, luscious, green valley. It stretches away from me as far as my eyes can see. I am teeny tiny at the top. A speck. I have never flown across this valley. I have no idea how far it reaches, or if I will make it to the other side.
But I have to take the next step. I have to trust myself.
I have to get off the ground.
Tara
go.for.it. :)
Can’t wait to see where you land.
You will do great at whatever it is. You are extremely talented and passionate! Good luck always!
just remember to keep asking yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen? And often you will find that the answer to that question is not all that tragic. So you keep on going. Good luck. You will do fine because you know, you are already over that valley, and you can never see the end, don’t even know when you are in the middle.
Tara you are brave, and you will succeed no matter what you do because you speak honestly from your heart, you are a genuine soul, and good things will automatically be attracted to you and your energy. Wayne Gretzky once saud “100% of the shots you don’t take won’t go in”. If you don’t try, you’ll never know what could have been. Did you ever think you’d be such a great photpgrapher? Were you scared to take on your first new client? Did you succeed? You bet. Spread those birdie wings and sing the whole way across that lush green valley :)
I know you can do it. A little birdie told me. ;)
why do i not feel the least bit nervous for you? :) something in me tells me theres a lot more. so much more. keep going little yellow friend. xoxo
step out on faith and God will lead the way…
I don’t know, but, of course, I wish I did. All I know is that whatever it is, it will be great. You do things with heart, and so you can’t fail.
Go Tara Whitney!
I don’t know you, but, of course, I wish I did. All I know is that whatever it is, it will be great. You do things with heart, and so you can’t fail.
Go Tara Whitney!
“Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to” – Miracle on 34th St.
San Francisco?
The thing is, that little bird knows it can stop and rest as it crosses that valley. We have faith in you. Just have faith in yourself.
love the rawness, the honesty. so inspirational to me right now. it seems we are in a similar place right now + have been on a similar journey. i can’t wait to see you take flight…
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. i hear you on this. love the way you are living so honestly, tara.
You can do it! I’ll be over here (with everyone else) cheering you on the way! :)
You have a lot of arm strength. Just flap really hard. xo.
Take flight Tara!
I know I don’t know you personally but I wonder if we are experiencing the same change of life? You sound exactly like my heart feels. I hope we can both feel the wind in our hair and embrace the uncertain.
Much love and blessings,
Kamice
I could have written this… Have been wanting to return to my blog to write this…even got bird tattoo in Jan because I have a similar vision. Thanks for putting this into words. I’m rooting for both of us!
Faith in ourselves its what we all have to have. I felt like you read a piece of my mind when you wrote this. You will great things as that little yellow bird.
First, I am bouncing on the ball (yes, I sit on a ball at the computer) wanting to know more! Second, I love the way you wrote this. So visual and real and personal. Tara, you reach so many people when you speak so truthfully. I loved reading the comments before mine. I can see how you touch so many others. I know what it feels like to be where you are. The years of therapy! OHHHHH the therapy! Well, this is probably more than a comment’s worth of a convo. My point is that I think that deep inside you know what you are going to do. Once you finally say it to yourself out loud then all the anguish falls away and it feels so good! Trust yourself. Great big hugs, my friend!
The shift from love of power to power of love… you are a healer, Tara.
I know you’ll do what’s best for you and your family, because that’s what you’ve always done! I’m gonna say ditto on various comments: 1) what’s the worst that could happen? (That’s what I kept asking myself when I questioned launching the biz) and 2) you have a lot of arm strength to flap really well. <3 Big hugs, pretty lady!
do it. I just watched Eat Pray Love, and while it’s not the same thing, I loved the book and her bravery. I hate change. Of any kind. Eric is always after me to change it up. At least I finally recognize it and own it. Now I need to be brave, too. I’ll live vicariously through you, girlfriend. For now.
do it. you’ll soar and succeed, no matter what it is. because you accept that it will be a challenge! :) big hugs.
i could have wrote this. I too have been struggling for the past few years over what to do with my life. It is time Tara…take flight, use your wings, trust your gut. you will soar!!!
oh tara! i totally understand how you feel. i am kind of at the same point in my life right now with so many different things. i am scared, but so ready at the same time. i wish you all the best and i know if anyone can make change work in their life, you can. i love reading what you write. you are genuinely, an inspiration.
Take a leap of faith and trust yourself. You can do this Tara. This is your time to shine.
Just expand your wings and soar Tara….it’s not so much about where or how you land, but the journey to get there. All the Best!
i am in your shoes right now too…and it’s scary. and it sucks….i know whatever path you choose, you will land on your feet. you are my inspiration for photography and always have been…
beautifully written. as usual. love. think of you often….
I know how you feel. I feel that way with my weight and my job lately. Not totally miserable, but not happy. I should be happy. I want to be happy. The statement you made, “afraid to succeed, and afraid to fail”, that’s me in a nutshell. You said the words I couldn’t. Now you’ve inspired me to as least try. As Lisa D. said, “I’m rooting for both of us” and for Lisa too, and everyone else who needs the push to take the first step.
as many other have already said, you took the words right out of my mouth! but i’m older than you so feel like i have that much less time to get myself together ;) . .thanks for sharing and hope you are filled with courage from all these posts
thought of this quote by Marianne Williamson…maybe it’s not “other people” in your case, but the “other Tara”, You are so refreshing in a world infatuated with fake. Thanks for being brave and sharing.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
fly, my friend.
Tara, you are an amazing woman full of love, talent, beauty. You can do whatever you set you mind to do.
amen. simply amen.
I have faith in you.
the thing is, you WILL land. why are we afraid of success just as much of failure – I’m guilty of it for sure. you are a beautiful honest person who can’t help but succeed…whatever success looks like.
You’re already there, on the other side. Just look back how far you’ve come and keep going my friend. We’ll be here to watch you soar!
go be rad.
You can do this! Trust in yourself and don’t wait for life to make your decisions for you. :)
No regrets.
It feels to me that whatever you do, you will rock it. Doubt is definitely a survival instinct, but you know the old saying…what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. So go for it! But don’t quit taking pictures because I have to have a session with you someday!
When we step out of our comfort zone, that is when there is the greatest opportunity for growth. Have the faith to wait & see!
I look forward to hearing all about your journey here. Go for it. Let go. No regrets. Be strong. Can I write anymore cliches? Xo
it must be something in the air. must be. i say for you, for me, for a few others that are on the same path…go for it. what could it lead to….happiness. we’ll all hold hands together.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI0gdIWJ4-w
I once heard someone say…”Just be” ;). You’re out of the nest, little by little you will get there and I’m pretty sure you’re gonna love the trip. Maybe it’s all about the trip. Peace and fearlessness to you.
go you! I’m excited to see..
Making choices is always a lonely process – only u decide at the end – one step at a time xxx
Sending lots of love .. and a gentle breeze to help you on your way.