Somehow, the nickname “the babies” has stuck for the younger two of our children. It started as a tease/joke and has stuck around as a term of endearment. Mostly, only Jeff and I use the term. We refer to them that way because they are still in the same elementary school. So we say things like, “Have you picked up the babies?” “I am on my way to drop off the babies.” “The babies need their lunches dropped off today,” etc. I imagine next year with them in different schools the nickname might die. I wonder if someday when they are the last two left at home, in high school, we might start referring to them this way again…that is a funny thought.
So, one afternoon sometime in November, I picked the babies up from school and was struck with how the sun was streaming across their playground. It was literally glorious! Crisp clean golden light. The trees were back-lit and sparkling. I could hardly take my eyes off them as I drove away. You guys must know what a light nerd I am by this point, right? I had Mckenna in the car already, and swung by to pick Drew up from school, completing the gathering of the chicks. As we pulled into the driveway, I told them about the light, and asked if they would be willing to go back to the school so that I could photograph them in it. They were all like, shrug, sure, right now? And I said yes, please, go to the bathroom, drop off your backpacks and meet me back in the car.
The sun (and the children) gave me just about fifteen minutes. I could have wrangled for more time but what I got was just enough. Just enough to get a bunch of pictures that I love, and two pictures that I need. That I didn’t know I needed.
I wonder, does it feel that way for you too? You see a photograph of someone you love (whether you took the photo or not) and it feels like you just found something that was missing? It has captured them in such a way, that until it was frozen into a picture, you didn’t even know it was something you thought was important enough to remember?
This is one of those.
I needed to photograph them on just this day. With the clothes that they picked to wear to school and their rainbow of shoes. Those colorful shoes just really, really make me smile. This was any day. A nothing day. I can’t remember one thing about it other than this moment. No one was prepped, it was come as you are, stand in the light, and then chase each other around the jungle gym until after dark. Just …. us, them, life.
I came home and opened the images while Anna did homework beside me. I emailed them to a few of my closest friends, sharing the story. My friend Margie emailed me right back and what she wrote touched me to the core. She said, “The fact that you went back to take the shots…it says so much about your life. Like it isn’t rushed. You have time with your kids where you can say..hang on let’s do this! And then they are willing??? They weren’t all like..’oh my gosh mom, I have tv to watch!’ I feel like I can breathe when I look at these. They’re beautiful. Love their expressions. Their clothes that they picked out themselves. Their willingness to understand that good light takes priority in life! LOVE THIS.”
That feedback from her was a gift, as all of her feedback tends to be. It helped me see something about me right now that I couldn’t really see. And that is, I am breathing again.
Two years ago I was stuck, depressed, afraid, unsure. If you’d like to know more, I wrote about it here. Back then I started a process towards true mental health and a fulfilling, meaningful marriage and life. Because that is what I need. Slowing down. Being truly present in the moments of my day, not divided. Not as much multi-tasking. Stretching, learning things about myself that hurt, but helped me change. And I am changing. It is hard, but I am doing it. Margie helped me see, I’ve stopped hurrying to the next thing, over and over all day long. The way I used to live.
Everyone is so busy. I see updates and read blogs all about a lot of busy, thriving people. Sometimes I feel that by making the changes that I have, I am not thriving, I am missing something. Especially in the photography industry, it always seems like someone is getting a book deal, someone is traveling to Barbados, someone else is photographing a celebrity. Then there’s me. I’m usually at home. There is a good and a bad side to every choice. I am missing something. But this is what I know: Right now my life is all about these people. It won’t always be. I will have an empty nest eventually. I know that I wasted a lot of their life running and running to the next stage, the next level of development, the next next next. I know that I wish I could do it over again. I know that time has passed, and I can’t. I know that I want to be different now. I know that I don’t do well when I am busy. I get anxious and sick and absentminded. Being busy does not look good on me, no matter how much I want it to.
Even still, I have to constantly remind myself that being busy does not bring meaning to my life.
Giving my children the kind of life where we stop everything for fifteen minutes in the light, giving myself that kind of life…that definitely does.
I saw this quote online sometime this week, can’t remember where, but it has stuck with me. I made this (feel free to download it/screencap it/whatever it) and I thought it was the perfect ending for this post.
What kind of life do you want? What are you doing to get it?
xo
Tara
Wow, such truth. I feel validated. It’s ok for me to not ‘do busy’ well. It’s ok to be where I am right now. Thank you.
You have such a beautiful and special family, Tara.
Your post made me stop and think more about our everyday life. Thank you for opening my eyes!
Tara, some times when I see the incredible light streaming I seriously thank God I have my sight. I would be missing so much without it. Thank you for posting… i don’t message much but lurk often. I am a mom to three little girls…7 yrs, 3yrs & 10 months. I played them the “Pea” song and we sing it all the time. I love your love for life… the good, bad and ugly of it all.. and the reality of the moment.
First I’m going to say that I feel like I know you. I feel like that mostly because I’ve been reading your blog from the very beginning, just when I was starting my blog too. I can’t believe that was so many years ago now. I am absolutely terrible about commenting on everything inspiring I read on the internet and I’m sure I’ve only commented on here a handful of times, despite you regularly being such an inspiration to me. I feel like you are such an honest, fearless person. I read quite a few blogs with many older children, like yours. The ones I gravitate towards have your same lifestyle, laid back, not so rushed, everything not all planned out. They serve as a sort of goal for me in my parenting. But I only have a two year old daughter now and sometimes it seems like wonderful parents like you never just had one kid and didn’t know what the hell you were doing or how it was going to all come together. The thing is you DO lay it all out and say that things maybe were not so easy in the beginning and that you have had to make tough choices. I don’t know if you really know what it’s like to hear that from someone you admire… it’s just, amazing. It gives me this sense that I can get there. I do take time to take many pictures of my daughter. To stop and nurse her whenever she wants. To sit in front of the potty and read her twelve books when I think to myself, “I should be getting things done!” Reading this makes me hopeful that the thing I am getting done is laying the foundation for the kind of family relationships you have. Thanks so much for all your honesty.
this post took my breath away, your stories and insights are like little miracles. thank you for being you, and the truly amazing mother you are to your sweet children… they get you, and i’m sure they so love having you as their mother. xo
I love your posts. This resonates with me SO much. And I love that quote. Thanks for sharing everything.
ALL four of them willing to go back to the school playground AFTER school? You are one lucky Mamma :-)
They are all beautiful, love the photos. Light is wonderful too.
I couldn’t agree more. This is what I do to remove myself from the busy-ness – http://www.cloud-dreaming.com It comes from very similar sentiments as yours :) It has been a little neglected of late, but I am going to rectify that very soon. Thank you for the inspiration. xxx
You inspire me to write my truth. Thank you, I needed to read your words today.
Thank you for this post Tara. Just what I needed to slow down and enjoy my children even if it means missing a business opportunity. Beautifully put.
what an awakener this post was. I have so many dreams, and so much fear. And Tara´s words just goes right in an twists my heart. In a much needed way.
Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes a blogspost can be the thing you didn´t know you were missing. I needed these words so bad.
And the pictures you have taken of your children, they are amazing. Love the story behind it. I can never grow tired of what you share Tara.
All I know about you, I have learned from your blogposts. Oh, I wish I had friend like you. You set others free with your honesty.
You’re leading a beautiful life, Tara. <3
I totally get what you mean about feeling like you're missing something by slowing down… I get that too, from time to time. But I have chosen a job where I have some flexibility, including the ability to work 4 days instead of 5… and to leave early or take a day off when my kids need me. And 90% of the time, I'm good with the passed-up opportunities, etc. in my job.
Keep doing what you're doing, girl. You're very inspiring.
Such insight. In today’s busy world, we are often seen as the “odd man out” if we are not as busy as everyone else. I am happy to be the odd man – staying home, going slower, enjoying my family. Thanks for putting it all into words so beautifully. The pictures of your kids are so refreshing – LOVE them!
again…i feel like I could have wrote this …. so beautiful and as usual, grounding;)
This fabulous post brought me to your other post: More on the subject of truth… Along the lines, I could recognise myself, when I doubt, when I am worry and so on… I love your blog and honesty… And this famous post made me wanting reading more of your blog… I also wish I’d live closer to you so I could have a session with you to capture my family… Who knows, may be one day…
Tara, Thank you for sharing your beautiful, real life with us! You have really inspired me to slow down and savor life. This isn’t a race to the finish line. I can definitely see myself rushing my poor kids and husband along, waiting for the next stage. I can’t say thank you enough for helping me remember who the most important people in my life are, m family.
I loved this post, I especially loved the response from your friend, so glad you are in a better place. It is a beautiful photo.
I was working full time, using my masters in engineering, and then I got laid off, and now I stay home with my kids, and people wondered if it would be a hard transition, and it hasn’t been, I love it. I have this saying about life, “You can do everything, but you don’t have to do it all at once” So when I have an empty nest I can go back to work, but for now it is about them and I like the pace of this life.
Such a lovely post. I can so relate to what you are saying. There are times when I wish I was following up with my art- doing courses, putting myself out there, painting every day. But I look at my 4 (our two youngest are the littlies), my eldest nearly 17, my youngest 10 and I know the day is coming when I will have more time on my hands that I know what to do with. Right now, it’s a bit of this and that- crocheting blankets that we can snuggle under on the couch, doing a painting to go in their rooms etc. And I’m glad I have the time at least to do those things with and for them. I’m glad I have the time to drive them to and from practices, to help them with homework and to sit and chill and watch our favourite shows together. And I know I wouldn’t have time to do these things if I was working or studying. And I do know what you mean. There are times when I wish my eyes were cameras- to catch that glance between siblings, to capture the hug that’s given generously. Thank you for letting us see our own family, through yours.
What kind of life do I want? What am I doing to get it? Thank you for the challenge Tara!
what an amazing amazing post. I loved your friend’s feedback. I am inspired and encouraged and delighted. I will definitely keep these words in mind as I think about our family.
These kill me. Especially the one with Drew leaning on Anna’s head. A nice reminder that our most important subjects are our children.
Well lived, Tara. I love how spontaneous and authentic you are. I am often conflicted with how busy I should be with my studio, and during this slow time of year it has been so refreshing and amazing to be with my sweet children and realize what is most important! Thanks for sharing your sentiments!
Tara, I absolutely get what you’re saying. I find it so hard to slow down like I want to when the world tells me I have to be in a hurry. I love photography but I don’t want to book a session every single day of my week and have to hurry and deliver, as so many people suggest I do. I want to enjoy each session and delivery quality, not quantity.
I think that’s it, though. We want quality over quantity and much of the busy world doesn’t get that. While I do well on being busy, it also doesn’t really look that great on me.
Again, I so get this. :)
Long time lurker, first time poster. So many, many times I read your blog, I feel like you have written exactly what I’m feeling. Of course, you do it much more eloquently than I could ever express. Lots of changes happening in my life and I this is a nice reminder that I only have to please me & my family of three.
Crying this morning, as I get up to read your blog. I think its about time I got back to the heart of who I am. This job can be all consuming. You can feel like bigger and better is always coming after you. I need to get back the reason for everything which is my kids. We don’t know what we have until its gone. Thank you for this:)
Life is ever so fragile. On the day you die it will be the simple things you remember, the simple joys, the simple pleasures. And that is also the legacy you are leaving your children…they will remember that you cared enough to enjoy them, to truly BE with them. My children recently lost their father, it is those simple moments of laughter and love that they remember… that they cherish … that they hold dearly to their hearts.
Oh Tara. I probably follow many of the photographers that you subtly mention – the ones who are out chasing things, being busy. That’s great for them, but not for everyone. I want to tell you – among all of the photographers in this industry that I follow online, look at their work, and feel like I somewhat ‘know’… You are my favorite. Your style of photographer – taking photos of the REAL life. The image you shared awhile back of the family in a rumpled bed in the morning, it was a B&W photo… that stuck with me. The philosophy behind it stuck with me. You, Tara, have stuck with me. I know that those fleeting moments of feeling like you’re left behind will probably never stop but I hope you know that you are a continued inspiration to me and to so many other people [proven with the comments left for you!]… I anxiously tune in every time you write a post. I just feel like you GET IT. You get the true meaning of life. What is really important. While I just have an outside view of you and your life, and there are no doubt rocky points in every person’s life and in their story, you seem to be doing one heck of a job. Prayers and blessings for your family in 2011, Tara. xo
As I sit on this snow day, checking emails and blogs, I come across your blog. I always love it-the photos, the stories-the real-ness of it. I am thankful for the push to do important things-to take those minutes with my kids and the perfect light-and not waste them before they’re gone. Thank you.
I am a long time stalker and usually don’t comment (even though your blog is like an old friend to me), but I just had to thank you for this post. I have been starting the same process myself and have been torn, having a hard time letting go of chasing the next thing and the next. I feel the same way about being present and giving my time and attention to my family right now and get frustrated at times that I’m not doing it. This post is really encouraging and inspiring. Just what I needed today. Thank you so much for sharing yourself!
this kind of life, is what I want. I also am slowing down, turning away from being busy…rushing to the next thing. I too am trying to not allow the voices that cry to me I am not doing enough with my work or in all areas, and to listen to the sound of my sons laughter, his calm breathe, when I am moving slow enough to notice. That effects our entire family dynamic. It is something I am really starting to appreciate. Pausing.I love these photos. They are definitely an expression of everything you wrote and the impact it has on your children. xoxo
Tara, this is beautiful, as always.
I am you 2 years ago. I hope I can have the courage you have shared and make a change.
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
…i feel you more than ever this time tara… more than ever. I couldn’t be more happy for you. and your family, they’re perfect… 100% perfect.
I love this. Perfect timing for me, too. Next week we are moving our little family from the phoenix ‘burbs (which are stifling us in more ways than just the heat), away from family and friends, to an 800 sf house in Portland… because we love it there. No jobs yet, so that’s a bit terrifying. We’ve been thinking and talking about it for a long time and now we are just… going for it. The quote you shared was a timely affirmation!
i love love love this…
and today reading it is exactly what i needed to hear..
love you dear friend…
love you…
m
thanks Tara- I needed to hear that- because they you are now, is how I want to be- I am the person, running here & there and not taking the time to just be with my most important people. And I don’t know how to change it… :(
THIS is WHY. You are more than words can describe.
Thank you. Beautiful as always. If you want to write that book someday, hopefully with words just like this, we will all be here to buy it. How wonderful that you have reached this place of peace in your life and that you share it with us. Bravo.
i know what kid of life i want and i’m doing NOTHING to get it. i am still at a stand still in my life and wish that i was where you are. i know that i will be, i just have to be ready to do the work. i think after this baby is born and my health issues are eliminated i might be in that place…i just feel stuck and sick.
i LOVE though that you are in this place. i LOVE the emence sence of contentment i feel from you. it really makes me so happy for your husband and you sweet deserving kids. but mostly for you who needed a break, who absolutely 100% needed to feel this kind of peace in your life. for you my sweet friend i couldn’t be happier. :)
WOw! I needed that.
Just so you know…if I ever win the lottery….you are on my things to do list. Family photos by Tara Whitney. (we can do it in Barbados if you would like. :) )
Tara, what sweet words. They really ring true with me right now. How awesome of you to be so open and honest. Your “babies” and big ones are beautiful. It’s so crazy to think that my little ones will be as big as yours in no time. And I haven’t been taking enough time to slow down and really enjoy them as much as I used to. Thank you for the gentle nudge to do so. xoxo
Love this. I’m so glad you took the time to go get those photos. I work outside the home in an an office where everyone seems to thrive on being so rushed and overloaded in their personal life and it’s so nice to get a breath of fresh air from you!
you spoke to me (again) today…put in to words what i so often am feeling these days…and i so get that part about ‘needing’ a certain image captured of my kids…those are the ones that i put up in my home or on my INSPIRATION board…just for me. thanks for your post today.
Good lord I love the love in that photo. And yes, you are definitely lucky that they went willingly! I’ve always seen you and what you do as a definite choice towards family, that it’s more important for you to be with them than teaching this or that workshop, seminar, etc. And it’s a beautiful thing. That’s where I want my emphasis to be too. Which is why I’m thisclose to launching my own photography business, not only because I’m so passionate about it, but also because when I have little ones of my own I want to be able to be home with them, not stuck in an office an hour away, coming home depressed because I don’t care about what I do. And you’re busy too – just a different kind of busy!
You are definitely not “missing something.” The irony is that because you do slow down to see (and capture) what you do, nothing gets missed. Like those priceless gems of your kids in the sunlight. That’s the real beauty that busy misses out on sometimes. And why you’re the best.
Beautiful post. I want a life defined by people, yes. The incredible thing is that in the choices you’ve made, your work has become authentically you. And that is beautiful, in you and reflected through you.
Tara–I’ve been reading your blog for years now (but rarely comment) and am constantly amazed, awed, and inspired by your honesty, your passion for your family and for life in general. We could all use a little more of that in our lives. This post really struck me today, made me tear up a little. I am, along with my family, in the process of making some hard changes. Changes that I hope will help us slow down a little more, give us a change to see that light you spoke so beautifully about. Trying for a little more mental health and a little better physical health, more time together as a family before my two amazing boys are grown up and those moments have gone with them. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and I hope I can channel a little of your wisdom along my journey….
tara, this is SO ME!
it’s true. everyone else’s kids are involved in every activity under the sun and sometimes I feel jealous that mine do NOTHING! we are HOME all the time. and now that I am homeschooling that is true more than ever. we take time in our days for the things we love, reading, painting, scrapbooking. we drop everything every day on our lunch hour and take walks, bike rides,go to the park. go for a drive. I am trying to keep things simple and just ENJOY our time together. homeschooling has given me my girls back and I just want to enjoy every moment I have.
this post was beautiful!!! and so are YOU!
love these photos so much!!!
xoxo
tara
“being busy does not look good on me, no matter how much i want it to.”
yes indeed, yes indeed. xoxo
poignant.