last thursday i fell asleep in nathan’s bed while snuggling and tucking him in. jeff woke me up at 1am to bring me to bed. in those few steps from the boys room to mine, i could feel something coming. i am pretty in tune to my body and since i get colds often i have memorized the signs in order to do everything i can to stop it from going full force. but i ignored the signs and hoped that a good nights sleep would kick whatever it was in the butt.
it didnt.
i will spare you the gory details, but i must let it be known to one and all that i just suffered through one of the worst bouts of the flu i can remember. and i did it alone. well, being alone might have been easier. i was alone, with four kids. jeff left saturday to go skiing in mammoth with his dad and some friends from work. and there was no way i was going to let him miss out – i am tough – i can handle this i said.
and i did. for two very long days in bed i handled it. with some help from shane and rachel, i handled it. i watched something like 12 movies and handled it. the kids had a field day without jeff or i looking over their shoulders, can we say all video games all the time? for the entire weekend? drew, nate, and anna catered to me as best as they could, bringing me ice and water and medicine and keeping an eye on mckenna.
until sunday night.
that was when i kind of lost it. i began having an asthma attack at 5pm. over the next two hours, i depleted my inhaler. i have had asthma since i was a child, but have only once before, when pregnant with drew, experienced the sensation and fear of an attack. if you dont have asthma, it is similar to what i would imagine a brick would feel like sitting on your chest, with a large man standing on top of it to keep it there. and while you are dealing with that, your actual breaths get shallower and shallower to the point where you could become DRAMATIC or HYSTERICAL if you dont stay calm. i called the pharmacy to get a refill, and found it was closed. this was when hysteria began to set in. in a panic, i called the dr’s office and begged the operator to call my dr and have him call in a new prescription to the 24 hour pharmacy. he did. surprisingly fast. i didnt want to bother anyone, so i knew i had to go get the medicine by myself. i centered myself as best as i could and dragged my disgusting sorry ass out of bed in my crusty sweats and unbrushed hair.
it was dark, cold, and the pharmacy was not in the best part of town. the kids were in pajamas, because why would they get dressed when they werent going anywhere with a sick mom? i was about to die, literally. it was all i could do to hold myself together. mckenna did everything she could possibly do in the store to make me want to kill her, including pulling down her pants, touching the belt of the man behind us in line (and trying hundreds of times to get away with it again), knocking several thousands of things off the shelves, kicking me as i spoke to the pharmacist, and the one she likes to play at parties: screaming “dont hurt meeeeee!” anytime i touched her arm or hand to try and regain control.
there was no control.
she did make it out alive.
and so did i.
but barely.
that night i hardly slept, tossing and turning, just biding time until i could make it in to see the dr the next morning. i did not want to go to urgent care or the emergency room, although looking back i really should have. i knew that it was just a matter of hours before i could get the kids off to school and get in to see the dr.
i dont remember the details of waking up and getting the kids ready. i only remember that i did it while trying very hard not to freak out.
by the time 9am rolled around, when the office opened, i was desperate again. desperate and doing everything not to cry. crying would only make things worse. i got an appt at 9:45. i showed up at 9:40. there were four other people in the waiting room.
over the next hour and 15 minutes, i sat there, waiting to breathe, watching as people who walked in for urgent care AFTER me got seen BEFORE me. the girls at the desk knew why i was there. i avoid confrontation. i avoid attention. i avoided them until i was about to scream. when i finally got up the courage to ask i said “it appears that people without an appointment (walk ins) are getting seen before me.” i was told “ohh yea, your dr is really behind this morning.” to which i thought, “um, ok, then why the hell did i make an appointment? SHOULD I WALK OUT AND WALK BACK IN SO I CAN GET SOME HELP?”
but i said nothing, i sat back down and waited. for 30 more minutes. i am so glad i didnt become the patient who dies while waiting for health care. look at me, always looking on the bright side.
i finally got called back by the nurse. i got a shot, i got four prescriptions, and i got an apology from my dr.
but i didnt start breathing normally again until just about now. tuesday night. thank you prednisone.
its been a rough few days. but jeff comes home tonight, and olivia came today, (my superwoman housekeeper extraordinaire) so my house is clean, my laundry is done. my kids are happy. and i am on the mend.
So sorry to hear about your experience. I had a worst case of the flu / stomach bug one right after another! I felt like i was dying..And then ALL the kiddos got it! the only one in the family that didnt get the flu, was the one that DID NOT take the flu shot!
Sometimes, medical people amaze me! My dad was one of the ones that died waiting for medical care! He worked his whole life in a hospital. Gave everything to it! Loved it! Had a heart attack there and could not get help soon enough! So sad! I miss him…..
What a scary weekend! On the bright side, how wonderful that you are now on the mend :)
Mommies should not get sick. I am glad you are on the mend…
OMG Tara….That all makes ME shudder for you. I am so glad you are feeling better. You are such a selfless person, but gosh darnit, next time tell Jeff to stay home with you :) Stay well!!!
from an ashtma freak to another: I’m just glad you got out of it.
I have it since 6 months of age and what you described as an attack is as accurate as possible, I’m so scared of having one that just reading about it makes me tense.
For me, many times, what triggered, besides a flu, was tension and emotional stuff, I am sure you know that.
I’ve been through that so many times that now I always keep more than one inhaler at home. As I sad, just happy you’re getting better, be well girl!
val
you deserve a medal for making thru the weekend without killing anyone!
Hope you are feeling much much better :)
Oh my goodness, how I wished I lived closer and could have come to help you. Lady, there are times to be superwoman, and there are times when you really just need help! Use this week to rest up and heal once your hubby comes home! Hang in there. So sorry you went through such a rough time.
Wow! Sorry you had such a sucky weekend Tara. Glad you’re feeling better though.
OmGosh.. that is the perfect description of one kind of a LIVING HELL!
OmGosh.. that is the perfect description of one kind of a LIVING HELL!
Oops.. hit that ‘post comment’ too quickly.
I have been in some pretty tight situations, but I won’t even begin to pretend that I understand the rollercoaster of emotions that you were experiencing. I’m only glad that you are on the mend now. Be well, stay well!
Oh my dear sweet girl! You sound just like my sister, who found herself lying on her floor, with the deadbolt on, talking to the 911 operator, begging him not to let them break down the door. I’m so sorry – that must have been so scary. Don’t you dare do that again – God forbid there should ever be a next time, but you call for help. Don’t you pay attention to the flight attendant???? You have to put your oxygen mask on first. Well, there, that’s my lecture. {hugs}, and I’m glad you’re on the mend :)
My husband had this last week, and it was scary to watch. He walked out of urgent care with 4 prescriptions, too! WARNING ABOUT PREDNISONE – it can affect your emotions. My husband said he felt like he was about cry for about 4 hours after taking it — same thing everyday at dosage time. He has a friend that gets really angry when taking it.
Just wanted to let you know – Jeff and the kiddos may want to hide out for a bit. ALSO – my hubby figured out to take it at bedtime so that the “sad time” was during sleep. Did not seem to cause bad dreams or anything, so hopefully that will help.
On the plus side, he felt TONS better within 24 hours so it was worth all the meds and sadness.
Take care of yourself!
Jen
Tara,
It is times like THIS when you SHOULD CALL ME! Tell me you need me to take your kids for an afternoon, or send me to get your medicine! I am 10 minutes away girlfriend. Let me help you out!
Tara! OMG! You poor thing. I am soooo sorry you went through all that and ALONE with FOUR kids… Sigh. Moms are unbelievable, we really are, but next time you really should get some help. There is only so much the human body can do/take. I ams o glad you are finally on the mend. I had a bout of teh most nasty flu virus I’ve ever had a couple months ago and I honestly thought I was going to die so I can totally relate to your story and cannot imagine how you managed four kids… I only had my two. My heart goes out to you. You are definitely one tough cookie.
I am so happy you are feeling better :-)
Super woman! Muah!
ugh..days like that are for the birds. so sorry. take care!
Oh Tara… ((HUGS)) I’m so sorry!
I have to tell you, I can somewhat relate… once when I was 8 mos. pregnant, I fell and broke my ankle. Hubby left the next day for a 4 day conference, leaving me new in town with no one. Can you imagine the looks at the grocery store of an 8 mos preggo woman on one crutch and a basket? Two thanksgivings ago, I fell and broke my foot. Hubby left the next day for a long weekend of meetings, and I had a 3 yo and an 8 mos old. Notice the trend? LOL… again, no one to help. I had to hold my baby in my lap as I scooted up and down stairs on my butt. And for me, it is hard to ask for help too.
The things we do as mothers!
blessings.blessings.blessings.
so grateful that you are on the mend… what a horrific ordeal that God willing you will NEVER have to deal with again in your long healthy life… take care of you, there is only one you.
oh my goodness girl! what a tough couple of days. glad you are feeling better and i never want to have a asthma attack.
OH MY! Im so glad youre on the mend, it sounds so very scary, what a strong Mama you are!!! re. the pjs, we often spend all day in ours, even when no one is sick…why not be comfy I say.
and Re. mckenna, been there, feel your pain.
hug!
p.s., also a rockin wife obviously!!!!
Omg, Tara, so glad you are ok, but girl, next time go to a doctor sooner and tell them you cannot breath! You are so strong.
oh wow! what a story…i’m glad it’s all worked out now. you showed amazing restraint in the dr. office! :-) take care.
so glad you’re feeling better, but next time (well, hopefully there isn’t a next time … but if there is) call someone to go get your script! there’s so many people that love you and would want to help you in any way :-)
I can actually think of a few people (Kari for one springs to mind!) who would get a photo taken of themselves with your script! :-) LOL, miss you, take care xx
so sorry you were so sick! it’s the worst thing..having to take care of kids and/or having to go get more meds while being that sick. :( i can somewhat relate to the asthma…but only because my oldest has had asthma since he was a baby. so glad you’re on the mend. :)
Wow Tara—thanks for sharing the story about Mckenna…it makes another mom whos gone through almost the same thing (except, she decided to pull her pants off, run down the hall, and scream hysterically in a hospital ward full of old people-while her daddy was in the hospital and sick as a dog—to the point the hospital ESCORTED US OUT with a nurse and security guard) smile and be able to look back and laugh. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not alone–other mothers feel our pain!
i couldn’t imagine. you are one amazingly strong woman! those kinds of things only happens when the husbands are away.
Way to go Superwoman! So sorry…but glad you are on the mend.
i am sitting here reading your post and smiling at the same time. I am nodding my head as i read like someone who is not alone here in my office. I do not laugh
AT you. I merely relate to you and send my sympathy and thoughts to you…I hope you feel better soon…You are A strong and beautiful woman/girl and me and the 79 bloggers before me, send you positive vibes. I hope you know that you are not alone.
i am so sorry!
as a fellow mother of four who is married to a man who has been skiing THREE times since january and still has one more trip on the calendar, i FEEL YOU!
i cannot bear to drag my four children out with me when i do not feel well, but sometimes, it must be done. and do they cooperate? of course they do not!
so glad to hear you’re feeling better!
poor you! yuck sounds kinda like hell!
Glad to hear on the mend and best wishes for more health and loads of treats from the hubbie!
I read this yesterday and was upset for you at what you went through, Tara. Then today in the shower (where I do all of my best random thinking…)I was thinking about your doctor visit again. Your treatment was just not acceptable. I’m sure neither your doctor or the office workers would have accepted that level of treatment from their own physicians. I am guilty of being a make-no-waves pleaser. Why do we do that? What is wrong with standing up and saying “I can’t breathe, I’m sick and I need to be seen now!”?
I’m glad you’re better – because everyone needs you. Your family, of course. And us, because we look forward to your updates!
Holy. Holy holy.
Tara – We are right around the corner – we could have helped you – Ashley drives now, we all would have been more than happy to help! I am so sorry you felt so bad – Erika has severe Asthma so we totally understand what you went through. Call us anytime.
Love to everyone
wow girl…that sucked so majorly. i hope you are doing all better now. I had bad childhood asthma, but haven’t had an attack in a few yrs. I totally understand the hysterical feeling…and then to add 4 kids to the mix? bravo young lady…you made it out alive!
WOW Tara you are one strong Mom!
I applaud you for getting through all of that!
You are an inspiration and I am so glad you are doing better!
Tara-
I totally feel your pain–literally. I’ve had asthma since age 5, which means I was diagnosed before you were born! :) I am so sorry you went through all of that. It is seriously the most frightening feeling when you really can’t breathe. Please remember to take care of YOU–not just all those around you! We moms have to take care of ourselves and each other! Prednisone can be such a lifesaver. Makes me shaky, but I can at least breathe again after taking it.
So glad you are on the mend!
Oh my god, Tara, I feel so sorry for you. That must have been a horror four days, and that with the kids in tow and Jeff being away. Why do these things always happen just when our husbands are away?? Who is punishing us, and for what? GRRRR Our son goes through what you went through with the asthma, and yes, thank god for prednisone.
I hope you recover very very soon xx
Isn’t it hard to ask for help and be pushy. I was sooo thinking of you this week as I used a firm voice and said.. i am sorry I have to insist that…. more than once. You know tho.. if it was one of our kids we would absolutely push, insist, beg and plead for assistance. We would never make them wait. I felt horribly bad pushing in front of a woman with a bad cold. Particularly when I could see how miserable the aircon was making her but .. it was a cold and it will pass. I was waiting to be told if I had a stroke and was about to have another one. I get to go first. The docs can’t fix most pain/ills straight away anyway – yours they could get to work on sooner. I say be a lil more assertive – even if you are a not a screaming fishwife. Hope Jeff had fun. Good on you for getting through it.
I rarely comment on your blog, but I just had to after reading this post. I just got over the flu myself (and being pregnant for twins at the same time did NOT help… I thought I was going to cough a baby out every half a second), and I felt like I was dying in the middle of it… but at least I don’t have asthma! I can’t imagine that added to everything else. I’m glad we’re both feeling better!
Oh my gosh! I saw your tweet earlier and had no idea it was this bad! Having once had asthma like symptoms (for who knows what reason???) I totally feel for you. Sorry you had to go through this. Glad you are on the mend… and call someone for a little help next time ;)
I am asthmatic and have been since I was a baby. I felt breathless when I read this post. So scary. Well done on handling that on your own!! I doubt I would have been that brave! :o)