i so wish i could be posting right now, by the skin of my teeth, that i finished my june opam and tada here it is with just an hour to go until midnight.
but yea, for sure thats not happening.
the wind kind of got knocked out of my sails towards the end of this month. not just for my project, but in a lot of areas. a friend and i were both saying that for some reason right now ev er y litt le ti ny thing feels inc red ibly inc re dibly hard. i have suffered from migraines for ten years off and on. this month i felt like my brain was in a pressure cooker-this fuzzy tight feeling that makes me feel cranky. any sudden move and i get a head rush-the kind that would sometimes make my vision black out in rhythm with the pounding. my dr didnt seem completely concerned, but she did refer me to a neurologist. i think in black and white like this it sounds a bit freakier than it is. what it is for me is really pretty painful for a girl with a high pain threshold and just a tenth of a gazillion bamillion times inconvenient.
so, there’s that.
then, mckenna and drew went and ‘graduated’ fifth grade on me. their next step is into middle school for 6th grade. i didnt think it would affect me as much as it did. even now thinking about it so i can write this out makes my throat clench up and my face get hot. my oldest. entering a completely new chapter in their life. as far as public education, i am almost halfway to the home plate with those two. and that FREAKS ME THE FREAK OUT! how did i stoop down to pick his bottle off the ground and stand up to see him nine years older and talking about wearing deodorant? he is like five seconds from backing my car out of the driveway and tooling off on his own. and mckenna, leaving a school and a home and a place she was safe and so very, very loved. leaving two women (her amazing teacher and aide) who are incredible and strong and have been there for me through many a teary or frustrated or celebratory phone call. i didnt know how to say good-bye so in the end i just didnt. i cant yet say goodbye either to my perception of them-i cant visualize them in this new place. it just cant be happening. its just all too hard to handle. time is passing way too fast.
SO many people say this all of the time, and yet, we are all surprised when we too go through it. surprised and struggling to get through it.
then of course just the typical adjustments of time and space and schedule and personality that have to happen when suddenly the house never gets a break from the six of us. “when summer attacks.” all in all i think we have done an okay job, but now its time to move past phase one (acclimation) and into phase two (action!). time to get on the meal plan, sign the kids up for some fun stuff, and hang out with dear friends.
and since the only way this month could end was with none other than a last little sucker punch to the gut: just this weekend mckenna squirted about a tablespoon of super-glu onto the display of my iMac. possibly, you could learn from the misfortune of jeffs mistake, and instead of smugly and pompously asking me, “well why did you leave super-glu on your table?”, collapse into an empathic and sincere fit of despair and sob for two hours with me while listening to willie nelson-he was a friend of mine. saddest thing in the whir ULD. jeff was not harmed, but i cannot tell you how close he came.
so back to thee, opam. i shan’t forget thee, and would ask your excellence most humbly for a small extension…say seven days?
While I’m feeling bummed for you, I have to say that it feels good to know that others are in the same little funk I am. What was it about June? Were the stars out of whack? Here’s hoping July will be much better for you.
Oh god that song, I can’t listen to it. It’s soooooo emotional.
hehe I enjoyed this post- so much going on!
So sorry to hear how hectic things have been. Extension granted! =) Can’t wait to see what you’ve done but more importantly I hope things start settling down for you soon!
OH I need an extension too. I’m ALMOST there but um not quite. I still have trim work to do and the backdrop to put back up and the furniture to get back in to place…7 days yeah…at least that. ;)
Summer used to be fun I have to get that back somehow.
oh, tara, i am right there with you. feeling rotten and huge @ 33 weeks prego and having the motivation of a snail to get things accomplished. i’m even feeling your iMac pain — my camera suddenly went to an early grave last week and i’m finding myself scouring ebay for a “new” one… on a very, very about-to-be-a-new-mama budget. grrr.
i’ll raise a glass (of alcohol-free beer, LOL) to you and hope that July is how summer SHOULD be… carefree, relaxed, and full of smiles!!!
;)
stacey
I got tears in my eyes reading this post….such an emotional time. We can prepare ourselves for changing diapers, and keeping them safe when they are little…..but this growing up business. Who thought it would be so hard to watch? And so hard to know the right thing to do…to let them go a little at a time.
I loved the picture of Mckenna getting her diploma-sweet.
Hey Tara, it’s your new friend Kelle MIller here…I’m freakin too…my 10 year old doesn’t seem so content to play with me this summer…he keeps asking for…FRIENDS!!!!!! When did I not become fulfilling??? My almost 5 year old little girl seems like a teenager and my newborn just lifted his chest and head up to look around at us. I thought the baby might just stay put but apparently he is going to have friends too someday and leave me in the dust.
What is this thing we call parenthood?? Are we sure we survive it??? How come I don’t want to have my friends over:)
By the way…before becoming a photographer I was officially a exercise specialist and I am wondering if you are dehydrated most of the time and the heat of June just intensified it for you??
~Kelle
Regarding your migraines: Tara I wonder if you’ve ever heard or experienced something called cranial-osteopathy.
It is an alternative option that I have witnessed incredible results from in my husband and friends. I don’t know how in words to explain exactly what the practitioner does, but I do know it is very subtle, light touch, to the point where you wonder how it could work b/c there is no severe manipulation or pain.
Case in point, a friend who was told he would have to have back surgery went to see an osteopath at my urging, and now has 100% relief. My husband who could never eat many raw veggies b/c of acid reflux, had it ‘cured’ in a couple of treatments. With my hubby the practitioner asked him about his entire history, car accidents, emotional trauma, etc. and from there treated him. It really does seem like a miracle and I know it would help you too. I just don’t doubt it. Anyway, just wanted to through it out there.
a good friend of our family suffered migraines for years and nothing worked. Until recently. She swears acupuncture changed her life. If you haven’t tried that maybe it would be helpful.
Holy cow woman, if you were not allowed extensions as a mother i’d already have given up by now!!! :) I’m so sorry your in a valley, remember a peak is just right around the corner!! *hugs*
I feel for you-I went through the same sadness/angst when my oldest entered 6th & youngest Kindergarten this year (my middle is 4th). I feel like I have entered a new chapter, and wasn’t ready to leave the old one behind just yet. Of course, this all happened last Sept, but it took me a good month of grieving to “get past it.” Even now, I still don’t feel quite there, but, like most things, it does get easier. It just reminds me to enjoy the moments, good and bad, and to try and really, fully engage with all my kids, but especially my oldest, since sometimes I think she gets lost in the shuffle with the other two demanding so much more of my time and attention due to their age, need for help with homework, etc. Enjoy this summer, and thanks for putting yourself out there in this blog–it just goes to show that we all share so many of the same thoughts, problems, ideas, etc as moms. (btw, the meal thing is a great idea–i try to make double of each meal while I’m at it so that I can freeze one for the next time we’re too busy to cook a full-on meal)
why do you have to remind me and make me cry…my oldest who is 14 just started high school…i started crying the day i picked her up when i saw her mingling with her friends…i saw her life flash before me and i could see her gruaduating high school and going off to college…how could this have happened so fast…i tell everyone that the easiest part of raising kids is before they enter school cuz once that happens life flies by…About you migraines not that i am a doctor or anything like that but my oldest started getting migraines when she was about 11 and her doctor said it was the stomach flu but when she began getting sick 4-5 times out od the year i didn’t agree with her so i found a natural doctor of medicine and believe it or not he helped her out with vitamins and a diet and she has not had a headache since…i decided to try him for my eczema and for the first time my eczema had cleared…i think you should do what your doctor says but trying alternative medicine never hurts..Good Luck!
my oldest is going into middle school too! It seems like a much bigger deal than when I was a middle schooler, y’know?
the neuro was the one who prescribed me the blood pressure meds that have stopped my headaches. You need to get it taken care of-they really rob you of sooooo much!
The pictures of Drew and McKenna warm my heart.
I totally understand the “time passes way to fast” statement. I have a rising junior in high school. It seem like yesterday that I looked and she was ten. Then I blinked and she is sixteen and getting her license. She has 2 more years at home before she will be in college. We get emails daily from colleges about coming to their school for a tour and them sending us their package to consider their school. To say that it is overwhelming is an understatement. I try to treasure each moment because all to soon she will be off to college and entering the “real” world.
Ok, I was going to leave sympathy with you on this whole post, but it went up to a whole new level when I got to the end where your husband forgot his role and OPENED HIS MOUTH. I am single, but every one of my friends are married and sometimes, when hearing the stories of husbands who just need a l i t t l e bit of subtlety and instead say something crazy … I start to feel ok with it just being me and my dog around here. :) The crazy glue would have sent me over the edge. And the husband comment would have had me taking HIM over the edge. I think your self restraint shows that you got it together way more than you’re giving yourself credit for… so see… you’re really superwoman in all this! :)
http://www.gitzengirl.blogspot.com
Ohhh.. I love your OPAM’s.. so I will wait!! :) I get migraines too and have since I was a baby. :( They suck. I have one right now, in fact.
Sorry you aren’t feeling well. That is a lot of “stuff” to shove into one month. It will get better!
oh my heavens! wish i was there to rub your head :) grant and jeff sound like they learned compassion at the same dude school.
Lordy, has he come to his senses yet? June sucked. I agree. Good riddance! As far as your OPAM, I’m still working on May’s, so no stone throwing from me.
sweet friend, christine told me you’ve been having migraines a ton. i am so sorry! you know i totally understan. i’ve had them since i was 9 and poor jenna has had them since she was 4. they can really just take over your life. i hope you’ve been able to have some relief. i love you and miss the heck out of you. it’s been WAY too long.
Oh do I ever hear you about the headaches…….
After trying a medical dr and a chiropractor with no luck, I took matters into my own hands and went and bought the best book ever!! Heal Your Headache: the 1-2-3 Program for Taking Charge of Your Pain by David Buchholz. Seriously, I am so skeptical of the “do this one thing and your headaches will vanish!” because we are all so different. One size doesn’t fit all. I love how this book is a practical guide for changing your eating/medicine habits to control your headaches. It sucks that coffee is a no-no, but I tell you…….soooo worth it since I haven’t had a migraine since starting the advice in the book.
Okay I am done rambling……………….but you should look it up! Worth the $13 in my opinion. ;)
Tara – You are so incredibly amazing – just being you! Take all the time you need. I don’t have migraines, but that doesn’t stop me from having moments of being completely immobilized! I sat in the driveway the other day, ready to go to work, daughter in her carseat ready to be dropped at pre-school. I sat there. Car running. Couldn’t do it! Called in sick at work – took daughter to daycare – and I simply had what my friends and I call – UNDERWEAR DAY! I did nothing of importance. I called my husband and said, I need a break. So to you I say – HAVE AN UNDERWEAR DAY! HAVE AN UNDERWEAR WEEK! Do what you need to fill your cup back up – and I will simply wait. Although, as addicted as I am to you, it will be hard. :)
Oh dear. I am crying with you right now. And I thought I had it hard with a two-week old and a two-year old whose way of expressing his frustration at the enormous change in his life is to throw multiple screaming meltdowns a day. I think I will just savor these moments because like, tomorrow, he’s gonna be getting his driver’s license and trying to go out with girls. It does fly doesn’t it! Hang in there, I am totally rooting for you because you are awesomeness incarnate.
Funny how we feel like we are not getting older but our kids grow up so fast! Atleast you will have tons of wonderful memories to look back upon with them.
I suffered from migraines for many years until I saw a neurologist for them. They will probably have you get a MRI to rule out anything serious and then prescribe some medication. I was on low dose cardizem (ca channel blocker) for several months and now only get migraines every once in a while. Hopefully, you get them under control soon!!!
Man, Tara, I’m not looking forward to being in your shoes. When my two oldest started preschool and kindergarten I came home and cried so long and so hard I had muscle pain in my stomach for two days. Really. I don’t know how I’ll handle the move on to middle school. Maybe I should start therapy now. :)
Hey, I have a product called Neuro that is a natural energy drink (a powder that you mix into water). It doesn’t have all the sugar (only 5 calories) and caffeine of a typical energy drink, and it has ingredients (Rhodiola, DMAE) that relax constricted blood vessels and increase blood flow, so a lot of people find it eases migranes because it helps with the tension. I’d be happy to drop a couple samples in the mail to you if you want to try it – you can email me your address at tonaly at gmail dot com. I’m leaving out of town later this afternoon until next Wednesday, so unless I hear from you right away I won’t get them in the mail until later next week.
WAIT ONE MINUTE! That is not at all how it happened! Here is my recollection:
Jeff: (just woke up and looks grogily around the room)
Tara: The kids got superglue on my monitor so I need a new computer.
Jeff: (roll eye – sarcastically) Oh, of course you need a new computer.
Tara: (grabs the nearest weapon, happened to be a large glass jar)
Also, I have 3 words for your postponement… request DENIED sucka!
Hey Tara…love your photos. Hey, I used to have a similar problem with migraines…only thing that helped was getting adjusted. My hubby is a chiropractor in Mission Viejo. We’re up for trading if you are.
I just wanted you to know that you make me laugh and inspire me. Courteney graduated this year too and is off to a different Jr. high than all her friends. I was looking around at the ceremony thinking why aren’t all these poeple freaking out as much as I am. I can’t imagine how I could have survived two! It seems not that long ago that they were all just hangign out on the couch enjoying the lazy days of childhood! I miss having you around. Have a great summer maybe we will catch you at the beach!
keep hanging in.
c
Tara,
I completely hear you…my oldest starts middle school in the fall too, but ours starts in 4th grade. We love our elementary school, so I’m really bummed. The only saving grace is that she won’t ride a bus…8th graders are TALL, lol…the fourth graders have their own wing, so she can still be little for awhile longer, sigh.
Tara, I so understand! If it makes you feel any better – I have had the same old dinosaur cell phone for the last 5 – 7 years and Jason went out of the blue and bought me a brand new cell phone with the latest and coolest technology and a bluetooth for the car since they passed that new hands free cell phone law in the car recently and my dearest little angel Sammie got into my purse and flushed my bluetooth device down our toliet! I only had it one day and had put it in my purse with the charger to take down to my car the next morning and with one woosh – gone! So I’ll cry to Willie Nelson with you!
i think my kids were about your kids’ ages when i realized that every summer would not be the same…it sounds silly i know…but some part of me really was taken by surprise when my oldest son started exhibiting some independence. all of a sudden, all three kids didn’t wait for me to make the plan…pack the lunch…choose the pool, the movie, whatever. i’d like to tell you it wasn’t devastating but i’d be lying. i just really loved that time. i love being a mom. i loved having little kids who needed me…as draining as it was plenty of the time. i still love being with them. i love their company…love who they are becoming. i know you do too..it’s just hard…hard to say goodbye to who they were, which you do to some extent. it’s a journey and it’s hard…the saying goodbye is hard. there are great rewards though. you’ll love it when your teenage boys bond over a bawdy joke and you’ll see that you taught them to trust and enjoy eachother. when they want your advice on something important…something undeniable adult in nature…it’s really good. i’ll be the millionth to tell you: hold on to every second and enjoy the ride.
Oh .. ok… wait to make me feel bad !!!!
See I envisaged you have McDrinkiepoos on the terrace whilst Jeff rubbed your feet and the kids waved palm leaves to keep your body at the optimum temp to enjoy the summer… and thats all well and good (and I am sure this occurs regularly) but given it maybe hasn’t this month then a mere 7 day extension seems reasonable.. How about you take the whole month?
OPAM July – removing glue from screen!
Have to say that I love Jeff’s comment (sounds like the kind of thing my hubby would say), but man, I FEEL FOR YOU. That last month before summer is exhausting (my big boy just finished middle school-hello! wasn’t he just in 5th grade yesterday???). You need to get those migraines sorted out-try everything. Hoping you get into the swing of a relaxing summer mode with the onset of July.
Im just a blog stalker(not in a weird way lol) I love your blog , it is very inspirational. Life can fly by in the blink of an eye, and it seems even faster the older we get. My daughter just got engaged, IM FREAKING, my middle son who is special ed will be in the 9th grade,IM FREAKING and my baby will be in the 4th grade and I think crap where has all the time gone!! I think it is good that we have our blogs ,our scrapbooking ,photography and all of that so we can look back on all that has flown by and remember all of the good times. I think though Id rather have life fly by than stand still LOL!! good luck and take a deep breath and enjoy your summer! jamie( from good ol utah)
ohh no, i hope you feel better! and congrats to drew and mckenna. time goes so fast. savor every minute. i was just thinking i cant believe the year is half over. CRAZY.
not sure this helps..my son is 23 and just made me a grandma. As I sat there holding my grandbaby, I could remember how it felt to hold my son at that same age. It is such a dejavu type moment and so odd to then look up and see him standing there all full grown. I remember everyone saying how fast they grow up but it was so hard to imagine it in the midst of the diapers and potty training and teenage mouth going off! Just keep taking those pictures becasue then you will have some documentation of the moments when you think you must have missed a few years!
Sorry about the Migranes….. you know, my mom was getting them on and off (and sometimes with some vertigo thrown in for fun) and she went to all the specialists and eventually one told her to stop using ALL fake sweetners….. like splenda, and equall and all that stuff—- that was really hard for her at first (being on a diet and all) but after about 2 or 3 weeks she had only 1 migrane, and the vertigo was going away…. and it has been now about 2 months and they are almost totaly gone..
I know that it kinda random, but it worked for her. That is all that she did- cut the fake sweetners, and the migranes went away…. not all at first (it takes about 2 weeks to really get most of that stuff out of your system) but she has been TONS better since then….. maybe give it a shot? (it is a whole lot cheaper than the specialists telling you to try it!)
If after 3 weeks nothing has changed, than maybe it is not what is causing it :)
Good luck!
Feel better soon! I am still working on the other one!
hi mrs. tara,
it has been a while. hope all is well. Know that your’e not alone in the fight against time. It seems to always slip away so fast. I just try to find joy in the quick moments of stillness. Life comes and goes it is a challange to embrace it through the waves that crash. Not always easy I know especially with migranes. Take care. you inspire so many. Peace, teri
Hi Tara…
“This too shall pass…”(the funk-a-dunk!) :)
now as for the imac screen…meeeuuw:(
Hi there,
I suffered from headaches for a long time. I saw a neurologist for a year with no relief — lots of pills, tests, scans, etc. but no relief. I eventually started seeing a pain specialist in San Diego. He is no longer practicing, unfortunately, but that might be a specialty you could explore a bit. The guy I saw was willing to try a number of remedies for the short term (just make it stop hurting) while also looking for the root cause. At my first visit after the health history, etc. he came up to me, put his hand on shoulder in a reassuring way and said, “we will figure this out.” I wanted to cry because it had been a long time. He then said, “first you need is a massage — you are tense!” and I was — shoulders and neck muscles like steel cables! I know it sounds weird, but I started with massages three times per week. I tried acupuncture there. He took me off the neuroleptics and gave me a pain medicine that actually helped me sleep (I know there are a lot of pain pills out there, but they would knock me out, not relieve the pain so I could sleep — a subtle distinction, but important one for me).
It took 6 months. It was not cheap, but I came to understand the cause and treatment for the particular headaches I was having (musculo-skeletal – they act like migraines, similar symptoms but different root cause). I am pain free (going on 14 years). I can feel when they are coming on and can treat them without meds.
I truly hope you find the root cause for your pain.
I wish you health and happiness on this beautiful holiday weekend,
Jen
I am right there with you. In a year mine will be headed off to high school. It makes my heart hurt to think about it.
Sorry about the migraines. You have lots of great suggestions, so I’ll offer one more. My mom was (emphasis on WAS) a long time sufferer of migraines. They would lay her out for 2-3 days. After a battery of tests, the radiologist told her to take 2 Bayer children’s aspirins a day…and don’t call him in the morning. Remember the little orange pills that melt in your mouth? ***whispers*** They’re kinda yummy. She started taking two once a day has not had one since. Won’t hurt to try. She has been 3 years without one. I hope you get relief!
Hi Tara, long time fan here, just wanted to tell you about what I use regarding migraines as I have also suffered from them all my life.
Chiropracty, in conjunction with a medication for epilepsy (which I don’t have) which they discovered also helped migraine sufferers. I have had no side effects at all from it , which is most unusual for me. It takes ages to start working (up to 2 months) but it’s not expensive and worth a try.
It has reduced my migraines by half and they are’nt as severe. I was getting a LOT so that’s a big help. In Australia the medication is called TOPAMAX (topiramate)but it may be called something different in america. Good luck.
thats auntie karissa hand-me-down shirt!
hahahaha
I too am behind on my OPAM – mine is to get my two cats ‘fixed’ – but we had some unexpected expenses come up when someone barreled into us on the interstate going about 100 miles per hour [I jest – she was probably going 70+] Fortunately we were going 50 or so — so we only have some [really bad] whip lash / backaches … and a totaled car…so extra money went to a new car and the cats will wait ’til next month…should I share ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos?
Tara – I have suffered from Migraines for 17 years. Doctors try to help, but can’t relate. I did test after test, and tried more medications than I could count. I finally found a book in our local libray that saved my life: ‘Managing Your Migraine” by Susan Burks, 1994, paper back with red and yellow cover. Best $20 I ever spent.
Kids grow up way too quickly, don’t they? My daughter is going to be 13 in October, is almost as tall as me and is starting 7th grade in the fall. I just look at her and think where did my baby? It seems like she was 3 years old when I put her to bed last night and she woke up this morning almost a teenager. And I know tomorrow she will be graduating from high school and going off to college. It’s crazy insane how fast time flies by.
I can tell you, you will get through the tranistion from elementary school to middle school because I did..my oldest completed his first year of middle school.. I thought the kids on the bus to middle school looked so much older so much meaner and grumpier..but he did fine and well so did I..Hang in there and I am sorry about the superglu incident.. that sucks
Since you live in Orange County, you should look up my favorite doctor in the world. He is Indian and comes from a very long family tradition of Ayurvedic doctors. I’ve never met a doctor that understood the body like he does. But be warned, he takes a slow, gentle approach to balancing health that requires some adjustment to diet and routine and a number of years.
I had a lot of toxins in my liver five years ago when I first saw him, and I was hot all the time (not to mention cranky). After five years on his diet and drinking two liters of a herbal tea I make every morning I am now cool as cucumber and much more peaceful. My skin has cleared and I feel so much better.
I don’t know if he could help you, but since he is in LA, I have to mention him to you. His name is Vaidya Mishra http://www.vaidyamishra.com or call 1-888-974-2584. Tell him I sent you.
My thoughts are with you. I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Congratulations to Drew and McKenna for graduating! These years do seem to sort of fly by — the teen years go a little slower, perhaps because they are so much more challenging, at least with some kids. There is some sadness to these times, but it is our job as parents to grow them up, not to keep them little. And especially with a child like McKenna, so many parents make the mistake of keeping their “special” child overprotected and infantile, when they need more than anything to learn as much independence as possible. So good for you and Jeff, for not letting sentiment or fear or any of your other own needs get in the way of raising your beautiful kids into admirable adults! :)
I too have had that constant tight band feeling around my head for the past month or two. I don’t know if it is tension, allergy, stress, or what but I am so tired of having a headache!
Hang in there!