im not going to ask any questions! i am just so happy to have some new images of me that i actually LIKE.
note from tara: gaining weight sucks, and i have been for two years-steadily going up in numbers. its frustrating because some of it is out of my control. (medication that plops on a quick 30 as soon as you start taking it, and makes it hard to lose) but ive also got bad habits that are hard to break.
ive tried off an on (not very hard) over the last year or so to lose some of it, but it always seems like too much to bear(bare?)…being hungry and worrying about my diet is too much to take on. or im working really hard on other personal things, so it takes the backseat. but somehow along the way i picked up a pretty good self image. jeff always makes me feel amazing no matter what, and so do my friends. and i am not strong enough to argue so i let myself believe them. i want to believe them. and i figure, well, if the people who have to look at me all the time think it, maybe i should too….for the most part, i dont think about what my body looks like as long as im feeling good and liking how my clothes are fitting.
that is, i dont think about it until i see a photo of me that smacks me in the face with reality, or see a passing reflection of my side view, or have to sit in an airplane seat….
ANYWAY-the point of all that is that i am kind of shy right now about being in photos, i want to save my sanity and not think about what i look like, but i let my guard down at the orchard with nichole and jefra and let them do whatever they wanted. and I AM SO HAPPY with what they both got. such different looks, but i love them both.
nichole got this one of me, wrapped in a thrift find blanket that i wanted to JUMP UP AND DOWN SCREAMING when i found. a sweet little old woman came walking up to me right when i put it in my cart and said “my oh my what a lucky find. do you mind if i take a look at that stitch?” which she did, while i was at the ready to snatch it from her hands if she got sneaky…after she counted the stitches on one of the bumps she said, “this quilt probably took over a year to make! you really DID get a find!”
this is such a different type of photo for me-usually i am so loud and laughing and all over the place-but i felt so serene and comfortable under nichole’s gaze that i just opened up and looked at her without thinking too much. (i ripped these off her blog so i wouldnt have to resize)
these next ones i think are my favorites though-this one especially makes me want to scream with happiness:
you will for sure be seeing that again somewhere on my site or…i dont know, my wallpaper? dont you just want to live in that little spot? right where im sitting? oh yes, you know it. i do!
and this is a shot of all of us hanging out while jefra took some pics of her daughter with her TTV contraption, and i shot margie while kelly watched.
so back to that TTV contraption. in essence, you use your SLR camera to shoot through the viewfinder of an older camera. you add cardboard tubing to the top to place your lens into, and shoot down into it. (for more info, just google TTV, lots of links will pop up.) ive had one for awhile-like two years? i asked someone i found on flickr to make me one, and i paid him for it. since then, ive gotten it out a few times, and have always meant to, for clients, but it just never happened. i think its safe to say that i will get it out now. look what jefra did.
and my favorite of the bunch, just because this is so me-head thrown back laughing at something i see with my camera…
oh, and here is a little shot where you can see the blanket in color…also by jefra. amazing right? its like a 3d polka dot blanket. can life get any better than this?!
it was SUCH fun collaborating and playing with other photographers-im so grateful to both of them for the evening we had, and the photos they have given me. i will cherish them, and my childrens children will cherish them someday when i am long gone.
makes me realize-it doesnt really matter how much i weigh, as long as i feel good and can find love for myself in your my own heart. i have people that love me. and that is what i cling to.
I think you look great. And I love those photos. That place looks amazing.
These shots are phenomonal. I love the TTP effect and yes – your kids will cherish the image of Mom: The Early Years. Imagine the slideshow at your 50th wedding anniversary!
I am also a HUGE Roger Clyne & Peacemakers fan too. Went to Rocky Point (couldn’t make the show_drove from Houston on fellow show-goers advice) The best vaca. It was very romantic. We hope to make the RC show someday, too.
Keep the dream alive!
I’m in shape! “round” is a shape!
Thanks for the awesome post. Still not sure I’ll let people photograph me, but I sure LOVE those photos of you…
You are most CERTAINLY gorgeous! These photos definitely back up that notion! You’ve got such a great attitude about honest-to-god life that nothing will ever stand in your way, not even weight. You are truly an inspiration to us all :) Thanks for sharing
i love how that last photo makes you pop out all moody and intense and happy all at once. Beautiful.
if you respect yourself, which obviously you do, the rest doesn’t matter.
You happy, your man happy and your beautiful kiddos happy – it’s allllll good :)
You rock, just look in the mirror.
Beautiful photos….and I LOVE your blanket-find! I wonder what the history of it is…wouldn’t you love to know who sat there and stitched it :)
Rach
Thankyou for this post! Sometimes it just really helps to hear someone else (who you think looks just great- I mean c’mon just look at those pics!) say of themselves exactly what you are feeling about yourself. Just makes it feel a little less lonely. I have struggled for so long and whilst I am determined not to give up we shouldn’t place being the ‘right weight’ on ourselves as a pre requisite to being happy. We shouldn’t wait till we reach our goal to love ourselves, or I’ll bet we won’t get there anyway. Thanks for reminding me through your words that I need to just be happy with myself now, and through those totally cute pictures of you that I think the part of the reason I always think you look just great in all of your pics on here is that you always look so happy. It seems that that shines much clearer than what we weigh. I think that might just be the secret! :o)
Love the pictures, TOTALLY adores the blanket!!! That is one EXTREMELY PRETTY blanket-find. Seriously!! :D
Most importantly, salute to your honest and such an enjoyable to read post!
Tara – I have been reading your blog for a few years now. I think you are absolutely BEAUTIFUL and I LOVE all of your work. You definitely have a gift. I, too, have packed on the pounds over the last few years. Lost 30 a few years back on Weight Watchers gained back about 50. It is a never ending daily battle. I, too, have shyed away from the camera for that very reason. EVERY time I read your blog I say the same thing to myself, “If only Tara could take my picture I’m sure she could somehow mask/reposition/do something with my fatness and make me look beautiful.” It is a dream of mine to be photographed by you. (I have literally had the dream of you doing our family photos!!!) I have a ton of pics of my 12-year-old daughter and my husband but very, very few of me. I know I will regret that later.
Love the BW photo of you, the one sitting in the chair and the one wrapped in that super cool blanket
tara, you sweet lovely thang! we had such fun! i can’t wait to see you again and *play*.
oh – and you ARE beautiful!
Oh…look! You are beautiful. And…that is a killer of a find. It is like it was made for you.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Tara.
You inspire me on so many levels.
Love,
Donna
Super FUN photos! Your new *find* is so yummy-it looks so soft and cozy. Probably an heirloom that someone just tossed away because they wanted to get rid of stuff, like a parent or grandparent that passed on. Glad you found it, it will be most loved & treasured by your family!
I love all the photos…it’s always great to see you in action, plus see you in photos! They are all great shots. That locations is AMAZING!! Thanks for sharing your personal thoughts :)
you know i’ve had my share of weight gain over the years but i don’t have the self esteem that you do. the only thing that makes me feel ok about it right now is that i’m pregnant but once i have this baby i’m so affraid of what i’ll see. hahhaha!
these pictures of you are so beautiful! you really do look amazing! i will even vnture to say that in one of the TV shots you look like a hippie. :) i can’t believe how long your hair is.
you ARE beautiful my sweet friend and i miss the heck out of you. i haven’t seen you in over a year now and something needs to be done about that. i love you friend! :)
Thank you for sharing such deeply personal thoughts . . . you have put into words what so many feel and relate to. In the process, you have surely given a boost to so many who feel the same.
Wishing you the best in all of your endeavors – photography, family and, of course, your health/well-being.
such a beautiful photo of yourself!
love the one of you in the aqua chair!
such a fabulous blanket…and always enjoy behind the scene photos of the photogs at work!
Seriously? I could not pick a favorite. You shine. And I’m glad I got to see the blanket in color, because that was my first thought in the first picture. Thank you for sharing your beautiful self.
What fun to see! Tara– you are beautiful! Inside and out! I’m going to take this moment to let you know that there are many people who admire you for being a beautiful ‘real’ person who obviously loves family and the little details of life that most people don’t catch, or overlook! Gorgeous photos of you!!!
xoxo
Tara, you look so beautiful! I love the 2nd picture. So cool! And that blanket…awesome find! I can’t believe someone would get rid of that. LUCKY YOU!
Wow! beautiful you.
I still DO want you to shoot our family … please! you were kind enough to email me a few weeks ago about it. YES! When you make your Washington, DC area plans please let me know. I would love to be a part of that.
what a precious post. i told you……..i love that pic of you in the middle of the orchard taking a pic. i think you look great!
and oh my………..i love that blanket!!!! wow!!!!!!! indeed what a find!!
i know that you’ve had like a million posts already…but i just had to say these photos are BEAUTIFUL!! i especially love the ttv ones! i feel the same way about myself, especially after having baby #3…and realized i don’t get in front of the camera enough…my grandkids WON’T have pics of me if i don’t quit hiding. love the blanket…i need to pull out my quilts and knitted blankets.
What a beautiful post. Pictures, blanket, writing. Wonderful.
Each and every day you inspire me more…not only visually, but spirtually too. Thank you for the millionth time.
I am in the same spot. I started Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago….I am bad at it but haven’t given up hope. I am encouraged by their promise that I should not be hungry…..of course, I have to learn to not be hungry on the right foods. It is a struggle….. It is good to conmiserate too….good for the soul to just let it out there….
Melissa
Tara — First — thank you for really saying how you are feeling w/the body struggle thing — I so get it. It’s hard – but at the same time, while I want to wear clothes that don’t involve the word ‘teen’ in the size — I also want to not hold back. I want to enjoy and accept myself. But it’s freaking hard. Meds are hard. Habits are hard. Life is hard sometimes. Having said all of that — these are beautiful pictures – that really share your tender heartedness with us.
That is a fabulous blanket you found. What great colors-I’ll have to see if my mom knows that stitch. She is an avid crocheter. Must be some sort of popcorn stitch. Well, it’s great. I also like that turquoise chair and the contraption that gives that great effect. How fun!
Well Tara I normally would not post this on a blog, but we are being honest right? I’m going to let you in on my little secret…being skinny does not make you feel better about yourself. I wiegh 100lbs, maybe 103 on a good day LOL I am amazed at the ammount of people that feel free to come up to me in a store, church…wherever and make comments on my body. Most of the time they are underhanded stabs like “do you eat?” or “you popped two kids out of that body?” I can’t believe the amount of people that assoc their wieght with happiness, big or small. So with that said I will make fun of myself and say I need to go eat some ice cream :)
Once I was thrift shopping and found this fabulous blanket sheet thing that I thought would be super neat for a backdrop for babies and a lady saw it in my cart and crazily begged me for it so I gave it to her…I can’t say no to anyone to save my life…but I really wish I could…
Just look at how pretty you look! I can’t take a good pic to save my life. I LOVE that location..and the blankie…well that just is amazing too. I never get good thrift stuff, I wanna know where the good thrift stuff is because its not here!
girl you are beautiful ….. inside and out.
I wanted to share this quote with you from the *Words to Live By* section of my blog….
“…we spend far too much time and energy contemplating our inadequacies. We forget that we are all perfect in our imperfection.” -kate dillon
p.s. you look beautiful in your blanket – what a score. I got a similar butter yellow baby blanket at a thrift store last year and it’s a treasure. Perfect for baby shoots.
I wub them! See….. someone did for you what you do for everyone else! The pictures you took of me two years ago are still my favorite even though I’ve lost some weight since then.
I think you look beautiful in all those pictures. I know what you mean though, I used to hate myself in pictures, but I have recently lost 60 pounds and I don’t hate them nearly as much. Amzing how that works.
My sister takes the best pictures of me!! Some people bring out the best in you, just like you showed in these pics.
I have the same weighty problem as you. Wish my family was more accepting though. In fact, I will be In CA in the fall and would love to book a session with me and dd but I really would like the weight gonne. I hate seeing myself in pix. So, if I dont get my goal or close to it this fall then there is next yr.
You have an awesome outlook on life!
Tara,
I hear you on the weight gain and not wanting to be photographed. I’m a 6’2″ woman, and even before I gained weight, nothing fit me well. Let me tell you though, when I was younger and not so plump it seemed a lot more women “hated” me just on the basis of my being tall and thin. You know how women can be when they are jealous, how they declare that they hate someone for being beautiful, or naturally thin, or having more money. They don’t even get to know the person because they can’t see past their own insecurities. Now that I’m not considered a “threat,” I have dozens and dozens of women friends. I’m the fat friend that everyone loves to spend time with. A few years ago I did go on a weight loss kick, and was successful, but even my husband seemed upset by my new form and was forever trying to fatten me up again. I finally gave in and he says he prefers me this way. Maybe because he doesn’t worry so much about other men looking at me! So bravo for loving yourself as you are.
Tara Whitney – you are a beautiful lady…
you ARE Tara Whitney and we love you as you are;)
I think you look just perfect in these photos, just the way you are.
tara…I think your beautiful…in every way..thanks for sharing such wonderful photos
beautiful :)
Those photos of you are gorgeous! esp. love the first and vintage ones! my mom never wants to be in my photos– she’s totally the same way about not wanting to be in them, but one day I will want my kids and grandkids to remember and CHERISH her like I do. I love your positive realization. keep that attitude- you are beautiful!
WOMAN!!! I’m always so late to the party . . . . sigh, but I do love these shots of you, especially Jefra’s. She just so captured you! Thanks again for such a wonderful evening. I’m hoping we can pull off a repeat of it sometime in the future! Muah!
Holy cow! These are beautiful and so fun. Yummy blankie! I love when you post pics of you! You are so beautiful Belle!
Tara,
These photo’s are awesome. You look beautiful. I have always thought that you photograph people in such away, that those looking at the photo’s don’t notice the imperfections of those in the photo. I believe the same of these photographers. I love taking pictures, and you are always an inspiration.
Tara, What fun. I love the red & white shirt . . . .& especially the long hair. You look great.
You are so beautiful and amazing! You should feel good about you because from my view of you- you are an amazing role model, I can tell through your photography of your children that you are an amazing mom too! You really are beautiful and so so talented and you always seem so lively and happy!
I get how you feel. I wish I could come to the same understanding with myself like you have done with you! Maybe someday! You inspire me!
I love the orchard. Do you mind if i ask you where it is? It really does just look like a wonderful magical place- so open, freeing and natural! Love it!
BTW- I am also in love with your adorable red shirt that you were wearing in the orchard shots! So cute!
You are so beautiful and amazing! You should feel good about you because from my view of you- you are an amazing role model, I can tell through your photography of your children that you are an amazing mom too! You really are beautiful and so so talented and you always seem so lively and happy!
I get how you feel. I wish I could come to the same understanding with myself like you have done with you! Maybe someday! You inspire me!
I love the orchard. Do you mind if i ask you where it is? It really does just look like a wonderful magical place- so open, freeing and natural! Love it!
BTW- I am also in love with your adorable red shirt that you were wearing in the orchard shots! So cute!
Looks like your trip was a blast. Your definitely a girl after my own heart with your yard sale and thrift store fetishes. That blanket looks so soft and squishy! Love it, and LOVE your shirt! Stinkin cute as are you :))
denise
Tara Tara Tara..these for one are gorgeous..and as a woman who struggles to lose weight myself.. I tend to over think how I look and tend to spend too much time feeling bad about the way I look instead of just facing it and embracing it (for the most part ) like you have.. You have always been an inspriation to me for so many reasons.. but thats a big one for me.. The way you carry yourself the way you always seem so utterly confident and secure, and while I am sure you have your days so doubt and feeling bad.. they seem like they are just maybe fleeting moments for you.. you are right there is too much other stuff to worry about other than what the size of my clothes are..now if I could just really embrace that.. but beauty Tara comes from the inside out.. and you are a shining example of that.. You are gorgeous both inside and out, Thank you for this post.. and reminding me whats important.. finding a way to love myself and not care what the size inside the clothes say.
.e.