last thursday i fell asleep in nathan’s bed while snuggling and tucking him in. jeff woke me up at 1am to bring me to bed. in those few steps from the boys room to mine, i could feel something coming. i am pretty in tune to my body and since i get colds often i have memorized the signs in order to do everything i can to stop it from going full force. but i ignored the signs and hoped that a good nights sleep would kick whatever it was in the butt.
it didnt.
i will spare you the gory details, but i must let it be known to one and all that i just suffered through one of the worst bouts of the flu i can remember. and i did it alone. well, being alone might have been easier. i was alone, with four kids. jeff left saturday to go skiing in mammoth with his dad and some friends from work. and there was no way i was going to let him miss out – i am tough – i can handle this i said.
and i did. for two very long days in bed i handled it. with some help from shane and rachel, i handled it. i watched something like 12 movies and handled it. the kids had a field day without jeff or i looking over their shoulders, can we say all video games all the time? for the entire weekend? drew, nate, and anna catered to me as best as they could, bringing me ice and water and medicine and keeping an eye on mckenna.
until sunday night.
that was when i kind of lost it. i began having an asthma attack at 5pm. over the next two hours, i depleted my inhaler. i have had asthma since i was a child, but have only once before, when pregnant with drew, experienced the sensation and fear of an attack. if you dont have asthma, it is similar to what i would imagine a brick would feel like sitting on your chest, with a large man standing on top of it to keep it there. and while you are dealing with that, your actual breaths get shallower and shallower to the point where you could become DRAMATIC or HYSTERICAL if you dont stay calm. i called the pharmacy to get a refill, and found it was closed. this was when hysteria began to set in. in a panic, i called the dr’s office and begged the operator to call my dr and have him call in a new prescription to the 24 hour pharmacy. he did. surprisingly fast. i didnt want to bother anyone, so i knew i had to go get the medicine by myself. i centered myself as best as i could and dragged my disgusting sorry ass out of bed in my crusty sweats and unbrushed hair.
it was dark, cold, and the pharmacy was not in the best part of town. the kids were in pajamas, because why would they get dressed when they werent going anywhere with a sick mom? i was about to die, literally. it was all i could do to hold myself together. mckenna did everything she could possibly do in the store to make me want to kill her, including pulling down her pants, touching the belt of the man behind us in line (and trying hundreds of times to get away with it again), knocking several thousands of things off the shelves, kicking me as i spoke to the pharmacist, and the one she likes to play at parties: screaming “dont hurt meeeeee!” anytime i touched her arm or hand to try and regain control.
there was no control.
she did make it out alive.
and so did i.
but barely.
that night i hardly slept, tossing and turning, just biding time until i could make it in to see the dr the next morning. i did not want to go to urgent care or the emergency room, although looking back i really should have. i knew that it was just a matter of hours before i could get the kids off to school and get in to see the dr.
i dont remember the details of waking up and getting the kids ready. i only remember that i did it while trying very hard not to freak out.
by the time 9am rolled around, when the office opened, i was desperate again. desperate and doing everything not to cry. crying would only make things worse. i got an appt at 9:45. i showed up at 9:40. there were four other people in the waiting room.
over the next hour and 15 minutes, i sat there, waiting to breathe, watching as people who walked in for urgent care AFTER me got seen BEFORE me. the girls at the desk knew why i was there. i avoid confrontation. i avoid attention. i avoided them until i was about to scream. when i finally got up the courage to ask i said “it appears that people without an appointment (walk ins) are getting seen before me.” i was told “ohh yea, your dr is really behind this morning.” to which i thought, “um, ok, then why the hell did i make an appointment? SHOULD I WALK OUT AND WALK BACK IN SO I CAN GET SOME HELP?”
but i said nothing, i sat back down and waited. for 30 more minutes. i am so glad i didnt become the patient who dies while waiting for health care. look at me, always looking on the bright side.
i finally got called back by the nurse. i got a shot, i got four prescriptions, and i got an apology from my dr.
but i didnt start breathing normally again until just about now. tuesday night. thank you prednisone.
its been a rough few days. but jeff comes home tonight, and olivia came today, (my superwoman housekeeper extraordinaire) so my house is clean, my laundry is done. my kids are happy. and i am on the mend.
by Tara Whitney
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