im not going to ask any questions! i am just so happy to have some new images of me that i actually LIKE.
note from tara: gaining weight sucks, and i have been for two years-steadily going up in numbers. its frustrating because some of it is out of my control. (medication that plops on a quick 30 as soon as you start taking it, and makes it hard to lose) but ive also got bad habits that are hard to break.
ive tried off an on (not very hard) over the last year or so to lose some of it, but it always seems like too much to bear(bare?)…being hungry and worrying about my diet is too much to take on. or im working really hard on other personal things, so it takes the backseat. but somehow along the way i picked up a pretty good self image. jeff always makes me feel amazing no matter what, and so do my friends. and i am not strong enough to argue so i let myself believe them. i want to believe them. and i figure, well, if the people who have to look at me all the time think it, maybe i should too….for the most part, i dont think about what my body looks like as long as im feeling good and liking how my clothes are fitting.
that is, i dont think about it until i see a photo of me that smacks me in the face with reality, or see a passing reflection of my side view, or have to sit in an airplane seat….
ANYWAY-the point of all that is that i am kind of shy right now about being in photos, i want to save my sanity and not think about what i look like, but i let my guard down at the orchard with nichole and jefra and let them do whatever they wanted. and I AM SO HAPPY with what they both got. such different looks, but i love them both.
nichole got this one of me, wrapped in a thrift find blanket that i wanted to JUMP UP AND DOWN SCREAMING when i found. a sweet little old woman came walking up to me right when i put it in my cart and said “my oh my what a lucky find. do you mind if i take a look at that stitch?” which she did, while i was at the ready to snatch it from her hands if she got sneaky…after she counted the stitches on one of the bumps she said, “this quilt probably took over a year to make! you really DID get a find!”
this is such a different type of photo for me-usually i am so loud and laughing and all over the place-but i felt so serene and comfortable under nichole’s gaze that i just opened up and looked at her without thinking too much. (i ripped these off her blog so i wouldnt have to resize)
these next ones i think are my favorites though-this one especially makes me want to scream with happiness:
you will for sure be seeing that again somewhere on my site or…i dont know, my wallpaper? dont you just want to live in that little spot? right where im sitting? oh yes, you know it. i do!
and this is a shot of all of us hanging out while jefra took some pics of her daughter with her TTV contraption, and i shot margie while kelly watched.
so back to that TTV contraption. in essence, you use your SLR camera to shoot through the viewfinder of an older camera. you add cardboard tubing to the top to place your lens into, and shoot down into it. (for more info, just google TTV, lots of links will pop up.) ive had one for awhile-like two years? i asked someone i found on flickr to make me one, and i paid him for it. since then, ive gotten it out a few times, and have always meant to, for clients, but it just never happened. i think its safe to say that i will get it out now. look what jefra did.
and my favorite of the bunch, just because this is so me-head thrown back laughing at something i see with my camera…
oh, and here is a little shot where you can see the blanket in color…also by jefra. amazing right? its like a 3d polka dot blanket. can life get any better than this?!
it was SUCH fun collaborating and playing with other photographers-im so grateful to both of them for the evening we had, and the photos they have given me. i will cherish them, and my childrens children will cherish them someday when i am long gone.
makes me realize-it doesnt really matter how much i weigh, as long as i feel good and can find love for myself in your my own heart. i have people that love me. and that is what i cling to.
by Tara Whitney
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