im not going to ask any questions! i am just so happy to have some new images of me that i actually LIKE.
note from tara: gaining weight sucks, and i have been for two years-steadily going up in numbers. its frustrating because some of it is out of my control. (medication that plops on a quick 30 as soon as you start taking it, and makes it hard to lose) but ive also got bad habits that are hard to break.
ive tried off an on (not very hard) over the last year or so to lose some of it, but it always seems like too much to bear(bare?)…being hungry and worrying about my diet is too much to take on. or im working really hard on other personal things, so it takes the backseat. but somehow along the way i picked up a pretty good self image. jeff always makes me feel amazing no matter what, and so do my friends. and i am not strong enough to argue so i let myself believe them. i want to believe them. and i figure, well, if the people who have to look at me all the time think it, maybe i should too….for the most part, i dont think about what my body looks like as long as im feeling good and liking how my clothes are fitting.
that is, i dont think about it until i see a photo of me that smacks me in the face with reality, or see a passing reflection of my side view, or have to sit in an airplane seat….
ANYWAY-the point of all that is that i am kind of shy right now about being in photos, i want to save my sanity and not think about what i look like, but i let my guard down at the orchard with nichole and jefra and let them do whatever they wanted. and I AM SO HAPPY with what they both got. such different looks, but i love them both.
nichole got this one of me, wrapped in a thrift find blanket that i wanted to JUMP UP AND DOWN SCREAMING when i found. a sweet little old woman came walking up to me right when i put it in my cart and said “my oh my what a lucky find. do you mind if i take a look at that stitch?” which she did, while i was at the ready to snatch it from her hands if she got sneaky…after she counted the stitches on one of the bumps she said, “this quilt probably took over a year to make! you really DID get a find!”
this is such a different type of photo for me-usually i am so loud and laughing and all over the place-but i felt so serene and comfortable under nichole’s gaze that i just opened up and looked at her without thinking too much. (i ripped these off her blog so i wouldnt have to resize)
these next ones i think are my favorites though-this one especially makes me want to scream with happiness:
you will for sure be seeing that again somewhere on my site or…i dont know, my wallpaper? dont you just want to live in that little spot? right where im sitting? oh yes, you know it. i do!
and this is a shot of all of us hanging out while jefra took some pics of her daughter with her TTV contraption, and i shot margie while kelly watched.
so back to that TTV contraption. in essence, you use your SLR camera to shoot through the viewfinder of an older camera. you add cardboard tubing to the top to place your lens into, and shoot down into it. (for more info, just google TTV, lots of links will pop up.) ive had one for awhile-like two years? i asked someone i found on flickr to make me one, and i paid him for it. since then, ive gotten it out a few times, and have always meant to, for clients, but it just never happened. i think its safe to say that i will get it out now. look what jefra did.
and my favorite of the bunch, just because this is so me-head thrown back laughing at something i see with my camera…
oh, and here is a little shot where you can see the blanket in color…also by jefra. amazing right? its like a 3d polka dot blanket. can life get any better than this?!
it was SUCH fun collaborating and playing with other photographers-im so grateful to both of them for the evening we had, and the photos they have given me. i will cherish them, and my childrens children will cherish them someday when i am long gone.
makes me realize-it doesnt really matter how much i weigh, as long as i feel good and can find love for myself in your my own heart. i have people that love me. and that is what i cling to.
Girl, look at you. You are gorgeous! Own it. Don’t get too focused on the weight because when you’re an old lady, you’ll look at the pics of you and wish you had just enjoyed your Ownself more.
you look really pretty in these photos. its great to see you on this side of the camera :)
tara!
i was out of town and just saw these!
beautifuL! you are just absolutely gorgeous!!!!!
seriouslY! i can’t believe how beautiful you are both inside
and out….they did a wonderful job on these too!
tara
Yes, I really do want to live there!! And you look absolutely gorgeous and happy and radiant in those photos – thank you for your honesty here! Makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone.
what beautiful images, tara. I have always thought you were stunningly beautiful. And this just further proves my point. You are gorgeous! I love, love, love absolutely LOVE the one of you taking photos of the couple in the orchard. Oh, I wish it was me and my hubby you were taking photos of there. :) That blanket is totally awesome too. Good for you for finding such a great deal! I think 99% of girls have body image issues. I know that I sure do. You are stunning. Just breath taking actually. I wish you lived closer to me so I could hire your creative brain to do family portraits for me!
Girl, you are perfectly you. And that is wonderful.
Firstly, I can never read any one elses’ comments with this new format. Not sure if that’s intentional, but thought I’d let you know. Secondly (and I feel like I have you in a private whispered conversation now) I totally get what you are saying. Most of the time I don’t feel over weight. I behave as if I was as thin as all my friends because it’s who I feel inside. Then suddenly I will see a photo of myself and I am devestated. I don’t feel like the fat person I am! That’s one reason why I hate going to gym classes-I don’t want to see the real me in the mirror as it depresses me. I want to feel good and my own image of myself is so much better than reality. I’ve often wondered if that’s to my detriment…because I don’t feel fat I don’t do as much as I should not to be…not sure on that. And I do think you look lovely, but I know where you are coming from with the whole self image thing.
Thirdly, these are gorgeous, gorgeous photos-my favourite one being the one in the orchard with you with the camera. I imagine that is often how you are, and the blossoms make it look magical. (I wondered how I got grass stains on my knees the other day and realised it was from taking a photo.) The ones with you in the blanket are just lovely. You really have opened up to the camera and the result is a beautiful photo. I find it so rare to find photos of myself that I like-that I don’t delete. These really are a treasure.
I feel like I have left the planet for a few days…..It seems I always get on your blog way behind the others. This does not mean I am not your greatest fan!!! (I get first dibs on that one) This just means I’m a delayed one.
I don’t know what to comment on first…The response’s you evoked or the pictures. I don’t know which are more beautiful.Need anyone say more….
I love you just the way you are.More beautiful each day…..
Mom
Tara–you are beautiful inside and out. I loved our time with you last week. Your kind heart shines in all you say and do, and how you make complete strangers (who probably know way to much about you for comfort)feel at ease and comfortable. Thank you for a delightful session and for sharing so much of yourself.
I also totally understand on the weight loss thing. Just wanted to say that you look beautiful just as you are. I love checking out your blog and seeing all of your new work.
Fabulous photos!! And oh are we ever two peas in a pod in many ways. LOL!! :)
I totally get this.
You look amazing. And how is it that you always look so damn cute sitting in a chair? I always gain a twin when I do that that :P
tara, i think you look voluptous
You look beautiful!!! Love all these shots!!!! WOW!!!
I just moved to Utah & have seen several family photos taken at “the orchard”. I’ve googled it to death, but can’t find exactly where it is…could you enlighten me? Love these photos!